Friday, December 18, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
"Don't tell me hundred ways how you cannot respond to the problem. Can you ply your mind for that one way that you can respond to the problem?"- Sunitha Krishnan
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
- "Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity"
- "You take Sugar?" "No thanks, Turkish. I'm sweet enough"
- "Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible c*nt... me."
- "Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... LONDON."
- "I always tell the truth. Even when I lie."
- "This is paradise, I'm tellin' ya. This town like a great big ***** just waiting to get fucked"
- "Is that coke in your bra or are you just happy to see me?"
- "My boss is gonna stick your heads up your asses faster than a rabbit gets fucked."
- "You wanna fuck with me? You fucking with the best! You wanna fuck with me? Okay. You little cockroaches... come on. You wanna play games? Okay, I play with you; come on. Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!"
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
- I presently use a pink toothbrush. I think it turns me on, in a good way.
- I think Katrina Kaif was once a man.
- I can never finish the last bite of food. I am somehow too full for it.
- I can go on without keeping in touch with the very few people I like.
- I hate the smell of rum. I love drinking it.
- When drunk, I black-out.
- I feel repulsed to non-vegetarian food.
- I love writing. I find it extremely tough to write the first few lines.
- I dont understand why people keep on listening to instrumentals.
- I visit IMDb at least twice daily.
- I hate to have too many food items on my plate. I would rather have them separately.
- I doze off while talking over the telephone.
- I am always short of topics to talk about.
- Things always sound better in my head than when I say them.
- My foot just loves my mouth.
- I cant multitask.
- I can have egg rolls four times a day, 365 days a year.
- I don't believe in the concept of 'days' - valentine's day, mothers's day, chairs's day, slippers' day et al - even birthdays!
- I cannot untie knots.
- I once had butterscotch with ketchup. I loved it.
- I love being alone. I just hate silence when I'm not.
- Sometimes I wish there were remote controls for everything, especially for the itch at the centre of my spinal cord.
- My favourite place on earth is my bed.
- I absolutely hate hangovers.
- I desperately wish someone comforts the eternal crybaby - Enrique Uglysias.
- I hate to walk. Wheels are undoubtedly the best invention ever.
- I punch my bed/the wall almost daily on waking up. I hate it.
- I love staring at my computer screen doing nothing at all.
- I read and edit my blog daily. I'm too finicky with that.
- I have a 1.44 MB memory.
- People normally call me up on their birthdays to remind me to wish them.
- I always have a hellish time finding keys. Thanks to XL for electronic locks.
- I love batting and even fielding. I hate bowling. I'm a bowler.
- I study for a twenty-mark quiz but do not for two ten-markers.
- I am a spoilt brat. I hate it when things do not go as expected.
- I don't want to hurt people and yet I hate political correctness.
- There are a few things that hurt me. I think about them all the time.
- I just cant play chess/volleyball.
- I like to have cucumber slices with pickle.
- I almost always eat mushroom when I eat outside.
- I hate to watch animated movies. Yuck!
- I do not drink even a litre of water in a day.
- I abhor astrology/zodiac like hell. I read my orkut fortune daily.
- I just cant sit still while talking over the phone.
- I freak out when my bed's not made up. I'm obsessed with matched bedsheets and pillow covers.
- I hate wearing a helmet while riding a bike.
- I want to be an agent in the Secret Service.
- I fail to understand the reason behind having pets. I hate them.
- I hate skipping meals.
- I do not have a driving license or a passport.
- Its excruciatingly irritating when a tune just gets stuck in my head and I cant sing the words. I keep on humming instead.
- I cant roll my tongue.
- The one thing I hate the most in this world is a snooze button. I'm, effectively, immune to alarms.
- I hate wearing socks. I'm generally found in my sandals.
- I wear odd socks nine out of ten times.
- I have never spent more than a minute at crosswords. I just hate them.
- I have solved a Sudoku puzzle just once.
- The busier my life, the more time I waste, the more I blog.
- I'm too easily satisfied and yet I'm never happy.
- I don't know what I want. I know what I don't.
- I plan. Then I plan more. I never work.
- I'm an open book but the text is encrypted. I'm always misunderstood.
- I haven't watched a single episode of 'Chandrakanta', 'Surbhi' or 'Shanti'.
- I have actually never watched a single Mel Gibson, Stallone or Arnold movie.
- I've never had schezwan. I don't know what it looks like.
- I hate smokers. I smoke.
- I hate people. I'm one of them.
Monday, November 23, 2009
- Written, Composed and Performed by Varun Gupta
Out exclusively on Broken Records
Download Song (Apologies for the obvious things :P)
I see people all around me
I see lots of them.
Everybody’s goin’ crazy
Everywhere is a new mayhem.
All the time they’re runnin’
It’s not their fault;
They’re dyin’ for a living
Nothing’s under control.
All I want to say, All I want to do,
Is to make them realize, none of this is true.
I would say to them, “Look around you,
Think of the best things, may be count a few...
You can wake up
With the woman you love;
Kiss her good morning
While she’s still not up.
You can see the birds
Heading back to home;
And Think of your children
Waitin till you come.
You can watch the rain
Thinkin’ what it was like;
When you were a kid of eight
And you realize
It was a lot better
You were in no hurry;
There wasn’t a deadline
There was no worry...
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
There's a few feet wide path that separates the Father Enright Men's Residence from the JLT - Just Like That. It refers to the lush green lawn and the area surrounding it. Its the heart of XL - the sacrosanct place that holds a special place in every XLer's heart.
I have decided to give this Wet Night a miss. A Bishu-Da egg roll, a Mongini's Keyk, a smoke and Inglourious Basterds. It was screened yesterday (JLT, again!) but I had to leave it midway. So I finish off with it today. Kilasik!!! I bow to thee, Lord Quintin Tarantinou!
Chapter 2: Crap!
I go out to brush my teeth. Its 4 am. Coming back, I realize I've been locked outside thanks to the electronic lock. The looooong quest for the Bahadur bhaiya begins. He holds the key to the sacred land of Room No. 406; and he's always at the last place you look. In this case, I walk for around a kilometre to find him a ten feet from the hostel! But the walk's a much needed one. I reflect a lot.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Read The Part 1 here.
- Why are Indians so smart? :D
- Why are Indians hated?
- Why are Indians so ugly?
- Why are Indians obsessed with fairness?
- Why are Indians so cheap?
- WHY WOMEN BECOME FAT AFTER MARRIAGE!!!!
- Why women cheat?
- Why women have affairs in their 30s?
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Now, why is this celebrated? Whats the friggin' deal? Is it really worth it? What on earth is one's contribution in being born? What accomplishment is being acknowledged/appreciated? I can see just one.
You were the only one (usually) among the millions who actually got through the antivirus, if you know what I mean. You did what a million others couldn't. If you don't get what I mean to say: one, have a frickin' common sense and two, this is for you:
Next, Birthday wishes.
You schizo. You hallucinating self-obsessed freaky egotist with delusions of adequacy. Do you think you control this universe? Can your mere wishing bring happiness to one's life?
Or, do you refer to "wishing" as praying to God. So you mean to say you actually spend some time praying to God that the day goes happy for someone else? Dude, come on!
And, why just that day? Why can't you wish that someone stays happy all his life? Does it not imply an ulterior motive of yours? Do you actually mean to wish "Sad rest of the year!"?
Even if your demented personality doesn't allow to let him stay in peace for the rest of the year for some inexplicable reason, why wish on just that day? Why can't you wish on any regular day, whenever you catch hold of him?
And what's with the handshakes? Is it some weird method of passing on the power to be happy on the day that expires as soon as the clock strikes twelve?
I just don't get it.
P.S. : Its my birthday soon. Do not forget to wish :P
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
- Trust me, I'm not an MCP; more not so in these swine flu riddled times.
- I've tried to keep the language as aethethic and formal as possible. The intention is not to demean/undermine.
- I intend to lampoon. (Article 19(i)(a), Constitution of India)
The weather's changing. Mercury is dipping slowly but steadily. Here I am, bamboozled. I fail to logically deduce whether its cold enough based on the physically visible evidence. Contradiction is in the cool (or not?) air.
Our counterparts with the absence of a certain chromosome are endorsing a certain plurality in their dressing sense hitherto unwitnessed by me. Their upper bodies are well protected by aesthetically appealing shawls, subtly suggesting the onset of my favourite season. But they also sport shorts in the south - quarter pants to be mathematically precise - equally suggestive of the summer heat.
I acknowledge my sucky IQ. But the given instance does defy all means of logical reasoning. Innit??
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
God save the HR guys, who have to deal with this crap all their pitiful existence called life. The paper is the height of gas in itself. Jargonization couldn't have been more blatantly futile. Why - o why- do we have to understand that authority is the power to make people accountable while control is the power to co-ordinate them. Wont I, as a manager - ooooh, lemme wallow in this fantasy for a while - have both of these so-called powers? Or, are there specialised managers for both of these seemingly same bush, around which we keep on beating?
Oct13-Oct14 cusp. A normal "day" at XL.
An exhausting day ends to usher into another crappy one. We study the marketing strategies of Red Bull, Inc in a case study and try to figure out the solutions to problems that could not be solved by people like us with a degree in Business, albeit a million times more experienced. We work in virtual teams (:P another jargon, borrowed from OB-II); one of us compiles everything and does the submission in time.
We head towards BishuDa's - our night canteen. We spend an hour there: undoubtedly the best time of the day. Then begins the quest of nailing the OB quiz on returning. Sayan and I try to make sense out of the shittiest text ever where every distinction is blurry and every jargon, redundant. The same thing again, and again, and a million times over, in disguise.
Its 4 in the morn. Bishu Da must have been wrapping up. I get a smoke. I'm trying to quit. A few drags. No more. I need tea. But that can be had only at 6, after the mess boys wake up. Frustrated, I decide to wake up the couple of hours, watching episodes from the inimitable comedy "Whose Line Is It Anyway". A nice refreshing cup of tea could follow and then could be done the ultra-needed revision.
Physically incapable of being up anymore at 0542, I ping Sayan to wake me up at 0600. Ohhh, what a divine feeling that follows closing my eyes!!! The bugger wakes me up at 0558, asking me to wake him up at 8 for the revision - In symbiosis we trust!
And then I do something that I do everyday. I set an alarm to ring at 0605, hold the cellphone tightly to be woken up by the vibrations, if not the sound. Poor Sayan... he's counting on me.
Next thing I know, Sayan wakes me up at 0842!
Alec Smart says, "If OB-I is referred to as 'Singhal', is OB-II 'double' ???"
Monday, October 12, 2009
Without much ado, presenting...the masterpieces:
"Red Hot Meet Kachchy" becomes "Kachchy लाल गर्म मिलो"
"Doing The Worst Leg" becomes "सबसे ख़राब टांग कर रहा"
"SIP" becomes "घूँट" :D
"Mock Interview" becomes "नकली साक्षात्कार"
"CV Call" becomes "CV बुलाओ"
"COMA is as per schedule" becomes "गहरी बेहोशी अनुसूची के अनुसार है"
/* COMA ~ COst and Management Accounting */
As always, the cherries at last:"Placement Committee - XL" becomes "स्थान समिति - एक्स्ट्रा लार्ज" LOL!!!!
and..."CRISP" becomes...."कुरकुरा" ROFL!!!!!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
There was no deadline the next day. Here at XL, this is an occasion more incredible than Barack Obama winning Oscar (He might as well win this one). It was celebrated with full vigour (read: booze). I had not slept for two nights in a row. The zombie in me dozed off in the morning today, missing three lectures. And here I was, incapable of a shuteye this early.
I logged on to google.co.in - the desi Google. The search engine gives you ten suggestions to autofill the search box whenever you key in some characters based on the most popular searches in India. I started keying in alphabets one after another and was amused at the suggestions.
Indians are just obsessed with Sex. No wonder Kamasutra has its roots down here. Here is some supporting evidence.
- B: Blue Film
- D: DesiBaba.com. It is probably the first and the most legendary porn site in India. It was something our generation logged on to on reaching the good young age of discovering Internet Porn. Was amazed to find it doing rounds among the kiddos even today.
- H: Hot Video
- H: How To Get Pregnant (freakin' unbelievable!)
- K: Kamasutra
- P: Pink Word. This baffled me. What on earth is Pink Word! Applying my super developed intellect made me to infer that the misspelling could actually be "Pink World" which could be a porn site. Yep, I was right. It happened to be one.
- S: Sexy Photo
- S: Sexy Wallpaper
- S: Sexy Lady
- S: Sexy Images
- S: SavitaBhabhi.com. This is the new sensation. Will make you hate all the Bhabhis you've ever had.
- X: XLRI :P
- X: Xboard.us. The Game Goes "International".
- X: Xnxx.co. Again a misspelling in all probabilities.
- X: XXL London. A Gay Bar...in London!!