Sunday, October 13, 2013

Oh Calcutta! - Part 1.

Click to read the series on Facebook: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3.

"City of joy." - Dominique Lapierre
"Bollocks." - Oscar Wilde

They say Calcutta grows on you. It's an acquired taste.

To start with, you might hold a hankerchief over your nose trying to avoid the morbidly foul smell as you enter the city, only to be repulsed by the smell of your own sweat, thanks to the lovely weather. But then you start appreciating the blatant mediocrity that this place is. Because, admit it: if you did have options, you would obviously not be here. 

"I electrocuted myself in my balls everyday. That got me through Calcutta." - Mark Twain

Appreciating mediocrity is Calcutta's DNA. They loved their Orwellesque Commie delusion for 30 years. And right when it looked like capitalism would finally make some progress, they uninstalled Dhotiwalas to instate an even more regressive regime that called every naysayer and their daddy a Maoist. Poriborton and how!

They are intellectual people who love their carrom boards and their tobacco. Collectively orgasming over Robindro Shongit and everything else slowass, it's a wonder they love a sport as fast and furious as phutboul. Collectively fervent of the glorious past and the kaalchaar, they can't hear a word against Sotyojit Ray, Sourobh Ganguly or even Osok Dinda.

"Bring back Dada, bring back Dinda." - Every Bengali Ever.

Durga Puja is on: the biggest carnival of the year. The only 4 days when the city has a semblance of nightlife. Extraordinarily curvaceous females in cheap mascara that flows down their cheeks with gallons of sweat, draped in backless blouses disgustingly wet under their arms. Sex starved males ogling at the aforementioned curves  sitting at Maddox Square, high as a kite. And groping every gropeworthy mound of flesh in gropeable distance.

Groping is an Indian art form which has been around longer than LK Advani. But what makes it special is that the chicks don't seem to mind during these days. Much like the traffic police that is so emasculated that one can't help pitying the poor sods.

"You are my chicken fry. You are my fish fry. Kabhi na kehna kudiye. Bye bye bye." - Bappi Lahiri be continued.
"Bring back Dada, bring back Dinda." - Every Bengali Ever."Bring back Dada, bring back Dinda." - Every Bengali Ever.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013


The juices have dried. The patience is gone. 2 years, 2 posts. Can't get worse than this, I guess.

So, like all infamous intellectual bankruptcies, this one will go down the same wire. Here are some of the blasts from the past - the flashback.

Ravi Shastri and The Orgasm: An interplay of Ravi Shastri's seemingly rectal raping cliches doing an orgy. The post went viral in April 2011 with more than 12000 page views on blog and around 200 shares on Facebook. Was a tracer bullet, I guess.

A-Z of B-school placements: A trip de nostalgia for every XLer. A sneak-peak into the hallowed portals for the rest. The true meaning of XL culture and the biggest event on campus.

Boyfriends Rejoiced, Chintu Pissed: The article whose much inferior sequel written by yours-absolutely-not got published in Faking News here.

Mumbai Blasts and Armchair Patriotism on Facebook: A cynically pragmatic take on the hyper excited.

She: About the lady of my life.

Why MBA?: Honest ramblings, suitably tempered with the lentils of MBA jargon to give simmering humor. A question whose answer is not even 42.

Bunking Chandra Chatterjee: The life and times of a serial bunker. And red-handedness.

My God In Ayodhya: God's frustration with us - the descendants of human beings.

So Ja Bachche, Laado So Ja: Hindi prose meets poetry. On the lines of Insha Allah Kashmir, a documentary on the trials and tribulations of the valley.

Life. 40.: A 40-word mini-story.

I'm sorry.: The post which had offended a lot of people without a chromosome.

Pink Freud: Psychedelia scribbled.

Confessions of a Bloody Erection: Life and times of an erection. A man's best friend, a man's worst foe.

A Lot of Mush, A Lot of Room: Too sugary a tale about a pair of lovers.

One: Some disturbing images woven into words.

Main Shayar Gumnaam and the likes (herehere, here and here): Couplets.

Claimer!: Disclaimer is just excuse for being a wuss. So, I claim and this is what I do.

Sachin. God.: How I grew up watching the Maestro. What this man means to me!

Mr. Shit: About the man who plays Shah Rukh Khan in every movie.

The XL-IIMC rivalry and posts about the same. (here, here and here)