Thursday, March 04, 2010

Claimer!!!!!

Disclaimer to this claimer: Do not proceed if you find words of wisdom like "fuck", "screw", "damn", "butt", or "ass" offending/fucking/screwing your damn butt/ass. Also, keep all the potentially dangerous equipment away: you might want to kill yourself after reading this.

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The demented author of this blog has been leased out from an asylum-cum-penitentiary-cum-zoo to save this world from an inevitable apocalypse. Anything he writes scribbles here is for the same mission and is the result of a severely tormented childhood.

Any resemblance to anyone living, sleeping, fucking, inebriated or dead is purely intentional. If the content seems to malign any club, organization, company, or individual, it is meant to be so. Get a friggin' self esteem and be offended. Go sue/screw me. I don't give the-tapeworm-in-your-intestine's ass!!

The images used are NOT the properties of the respective owners from whichever shit-holes you are leading your pitiable lives in. I won't give you credit. Its your damn butt's mistake to not use a watermark before uploading it over the internet. Even a seventh grader knows how to do that. I wont give you any credit for any material lifted from your blog and published here, verbatim or otherwise. Go get fucked, fuck yourself or get electrocuted.

I am not responsible, nor will be held liable, for anything anyone says on my blog in the blog comments. I'm not their goddamned nanny. Go chase their asses if you are a crybaby and have a grudge. Or what the hell, bring it on!

Also, do not come to me if your kid wastes time reading this shit rather than preparing for his board exams that guarantee a most-fulfilling rat race in store for him. Learn parenting first.

The intention is never to endorse/glorify/promote/sell any kind of intoxication. Yes, I do all kinds of shit but use your balls and brains before making a decision, that is, if you ain't already doing it.

This blog is not for my fellow inmates, ingrates or illiterates. Pregnant, probably pregnant, about to be pregnant or dieing to be pregnant women are advised to consult their husband, boyfriend or both and the physician before reading. Eating less than seven hours before reading may result in unhealthy movements of bowels. Not recommended for people over the age of 105 years and 7 months.

Although I might claim otherwise under the influence of heavenly spirits, this blog does not offer any legal, medical, veterinary, psychiatric, gynecological, archaelogical, astronomical, anatomical, astrological, philosophical, dermatological or zoological advice. Get in touch with a competent professional, your local daaru ka adda, neighbourhood association of amateur lawyers, your barber, washerman, gardener, aanganbadi kendra, phone book, online directory, local emergency number, mother or Google for the same. If you cant, it means you are an orphaned, computer-illiterate loner. Exit this window and repair your life, if any.

Do use your useless-and-hibernating-in-hell discretion before clicking on any link that might lead to any obscene, prurient, poisonous, pornographic, bad, disgusting, hostile, repulsive, virulent, frivolous, rotten, infectious, malignant, antagonistic, irritating, obnoxious, harsh, embittered, rancorous, resentful, acrimonious, pestilential, baneful, noxious, toxic, venomous, pernicious or repetitive material. Its not my fuckin headache!

Should you link to this domain or use, reproduce, republish, regurgitate, repeat, reiterate, rebound, reecho, reverberate, mimic, imitate, parrot or duplicate the information contained on this blog, you alone are responsible for that action. I never asked you to do so. Even if I did, fuck you!

Any funny/pathetic/offending/harsh translation by Google translator is purely the responsibility of Google, Inc. Go screw them!

Yes, I suffer from delusions of adequacy and grandeur. Its too hypocritic of you to not to.

All disputes subject to jurisdiction in Jamshedpur only. Move your asses down here at least. The limits on the financial damages is 10 INR irrespective of your hailing from any food-deprived land with hyperinflation.

And finally, FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY!!

P.S. Quite contrary to the overall mood of the post, I would like to give credit to Herche. 12.679% of this post is inspired by the disclaimer on his blog.

50 comments:

  1. V for Varun Kumar Gupta...exemplary,extraordinary,excellent(I'm out)

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  2. LMAO. LMBO. LMCO. Laughing my ass/butt/cunt out. Unbelievable. I want to write more but I cant.

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  3. Yeh bhi bhang charha ke likha hai?

    My stomach's aching of the laughter i had man.

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  4. @ sakya, akshhar and shahenshah: thank you folks! and i'm as sober as keshto mukherjee!

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  5. you are MAD! this is the funniest blog post i have ever read in my life!

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  6. @ Sapna: that's supposed to be a compliment, right?? thank ya! :)

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  7. JAI HO VKG sir......
    there is no one out here writing better than u...
    its just amazing...keep rockin with such post..

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  8. ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDIN ME??

    DUDE YOU SURE ARE DEMENTED. "WORLD SAVING MISSION"! lol!!!

    PREGGERS WILL REMAIN AWAY, SO WILL THE KIDS AND THE INGRATES. I'M NEITHER AND SO I WILL STAY. HATS OFF.

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  9. thanks rakesh :)

    @ sfs: i sure am! you dont need to go anywhere :) thanks!

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  10. (Trying hard to stop laughing,so that I can comment..)

    I fail hahahaha...

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  11. There is a limit.

    And then there's VKG. :P

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  12. LOL! Can't think of anything else right now!

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  13. @ gurdit: c dats y i always love your comments!!! :D

    @ akanksha: why bother!! :P

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  14. I second Mr. Gurdit. You should not be leased out of the aslyum. You can cause riots: laugh riots.

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  15. i wanna punch you in the face for writing this. you made my hot coffee spill in my lap.

    jokes apart, if that is possible, you have a real gift. \m/

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  16. Post edits:

    The author is not responsible for any vandalism under the influence of laughter or otherwise. Also, any untowardly accidents like spilling coffee on the more important parts of the body will not be compensated for. Kindly keep potentially dangerous equipments away as well. You might want to kill yourself after reading!

    and jokes apart, and dats possible, thank you...felt good !! :)

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  17. Cuss words, suggestive arguments, intoxication and dark humor - do you still wonder why this post is a hit? love you bro.

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  18. there are no levels of humor beyond which you cannot fall. ludicrous or kosher, you ARE funny!

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  19. @ akshhar: now i don't! cool!
    @ nilanjana: dats a good thing, innit?

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  20. every line hilarous, every paragraph a riot...only you could do it!

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  21. Dude..!! Never seen a crazzzy misclaimer..oops disclaimer than that.

    Outrageousmaxxx !!! LOL

    Interesting encounter with Mango Man. :)

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  22. :) outrageous is the new nice \m/

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  23. It was outrageous indeed, Varun but I will have to admit that I proceeded and wasn't disappointed. You are getting better by the day.

    Change the tag "Attempt at Humor" to "Humor". [:-)]

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  24. @ Shyam Sir: Humor can only be attempted, sir, like happiness can only be pursued. Glad you like this kind of post of mine as well. Thank you :)

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  25. That was hilarious!
    Best 5 mins of cussing & swearing I'v ever come across! :D

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  26. :) it had more than cussing and swearing though!! :)

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  27. @ your reply: you proved it again! hail the almighty!

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  28. I'm speechless! Just wanted to comment that I read it. :D

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  29. LAUGH RIOT......abey itna intensively mat likha kar, PAGAL hai kya!!!

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  30. possibly d perfect piece of write up to make a corpse smile...tussi great ho great... :)

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  31. yup possibly...i dont have divine powers to transform into a corpse n return back to this morbid place again to comment...so only possibly a"yes"

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  32. I came across your blog yesterday night at around 10 p.m. when I googled life at XL. I have finished reading all the post (12 hour sleep included in that). Should say I really liked your way of writing. You have a nonconformist attitude which is something I can connect with. I have decided on following your blog, it being the first one ever since the past one year I got into blogging.Keep on the good work. :)

    p.s. I met you few days back when I had my BM interview.I was with Gurdit Bahiya.

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  33. @ abhishek: dude i dunno why ur comment aint appearing here...might be some bug!

    Anyway, thanks! Always getting new readers and followers :) [and appreciators :P]

    Non-conformist I am, glad you could connect :) Best of luck for your BM interview...hope to see you soon :)

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  34. the first tym i came across this post i knew it was shit..then u again wanted me to read it so i tried again..
    total tym waste. n no laughs at all

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  35. LOL! this is great. awesome disclaimer!

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  36. Thanks, or in the spirit of this post, haan haan chal hawa aane de!

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  37. @ akshhar: Sorry, I probably forgot to reply earlier. Thanks! I can imagine you laughing like a maniac...phew!!

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  38. @ shahenshah: Sorry, I probably forgot to reply earlier. Nahi sir, bhang nahi chadaai. Yahi toh asli roop hai!! Thanks!

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  39. I'm wanting to put a disclaimer on my blog now.
    :p

    Awe-fucking-some. :D

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  40. :D, Hurry up and do that. Waiting! Thanks (:

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  41. What is it about intentional rudeness that makes us laugh our asses off :P
    "I never asked you to do so. Even if I did, fuck you!" Hilarious...

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  42. Hehehhehehe..i read this today cos ur not writing any new posts and I'm gettin funkin' bored man!

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