Monday, March 15, 2010

Mr. Shit

Claimer: Some might think that this post is based less on logic than on bias. It's true. 200%.

The hoopla started with DLF IPL Season 1. If someone could bring filthy rich glamor to IPL of this dimension, it had to be Shit-Rukh-Khan, henceforth referred to as Mr. Shit. He was the best thing that ever happened to Mr. Lalit Modi, whose wet dreams got a dream climax with Mr. Shit. Along with a few budding fashion models cum part-time cricketers, the guy went on Dandi-Yatra-ish ramp walks in a golden sling designed by some Malhotra guy. Preity Zinta, Shilpa Shetty (IPL2), Katrina Kaif and Akshay Kumar could only dream of this hype. After all, Mr. Shit has been doing this for ages.

He is a superstar in the true sense of the word. The guy hams and stammers and looks like a cross between an Al Pacino body double and Pinocchio. But he exemplifies what an awesome network of 'friends' and 'well-wishers' at respectable production offices and media houses can do to a wannabe. Add to that 'special friendships' with KJo and Arindam Chowdhary (both deserving assholes in their own right, pun intended as hell), he's set to rule the hearts of all the oh-i-am-a-girl-i-have-to-like-him-no babes out there. He's the grand daddy of social networking in India; Facebook and LinkedIn can take a leak!
The controversy-loving, publicity-begging, one's-own-trumpet-blowing (no pun intended, i wish!) idiot used all the business sense in the IPL, compromising on the much more needed sense: of cricketing. His team, KKR, was the first to break even, thanks to shitloads of merchandise guzzled in the first year. It started off its campaign with a bang with the McCullum knock I'll never forget in my life. And thud! That was it! Mr. Shit generated controversies on-and-off-the-field and his team kept on biting dust. And when things seemed to slow down a bit, there was the corny-yet-ever-effective formula to gain headlines again: the owner-captain spat.

Then came IPL2.0. John Buchanan was the new wand of publicity. The team that finished sixth among eight promised the Kolkatans of some magical turnaround. The team of eleven had some eight captains, six managers, twelve hairdressers and seven PR guys among them, thanks to the theory of Mr. Jo Buch. Merchandise was still flying off the shelf. Mr. Shit was still raking in the moolah. But alas! the histrionics did not pay off on the field. The team finished eighth among eight!!! And with it ended the purple patch in business. The black-and-gold t-shirts became more stigmatised than HIV. And dhandha became mandaa!

IPL 3.0 started with a tinge of sense and sanity. The hype was put to rest and cricket became he top priority. Who knows if the team starts winning again, the business can see a turnaround! And the buggers have won two matches as well! Lets see if one of the most unpopular teams of all time is able to win some respect this time.

MangoMan's discovery # 1239

KKR is an anagram of KRK! That says it all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the blasphemous uninitiated ignorants who have no clue about KRK, this is for you.

Link1 Link2 Link3 Link4

52 comments:

  1. They might have won their first two matches but this journey will be broken very soon.As a captain, Ganguly is having nil confidence (wat i think).
    Lets hope that the best team win this IPL 3.0

    ReplyDelete
  2. Two things... One, SRK is more than just hoopla... It isnt easy to ring Box Office registers... Two, IPL as a concept is itself more of gimmicks and less of the game, SRK just took it further a few steps... So, whoever watches IPL is himself someone who loves jazz more than cricket, else ICL wouldnt have failed...

    ReplyDelete
  3. @ mukesh: Amen to that! and, let the best team win as long as it is Mumbai Indians :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. @ vj: nice to see support coming from some quarters for mr. shit. ringing box office registers...is it the only criterion of liking the actor? i never said he is not a superstar...he is...he knows how to make use of opportunities and market himslef...

    and icl failed because of many more reasons...the bans associated with players that lead to an absnce of too many big names, the monopoly of bcci that lead to unavailability of venues and advertisers, the lesser income that lead to a little less picture quality and similar stuff...cricket was always good there as well and i loved watching icl as well..

    to each his own :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Absolutely useless blog...and more than SRK, this blog is a bigger shit.The fact that despite performing poorly in the last 2 seasons the team is still getting sponsors speaks a lot itself about the power and love SRK has from India'a junta..He is a human and did commit some mistakes last season..But he is rectifying them this season..And probably you have not read news items and interviews of numerous Bollywood actors/newcomers who cant stop raving about how supportive and motivating SRK always is..Keep on writing such blogs..Maybe you will find 1% people supporting you..Or maybe more from the 'classy' MBA crowd...But SRK will continue to rule the hearts of all Indians till eternity...For an actor who has been consistently delivering superhits for the past 2 decades, its blasphemous to compare him with KRK...Do get your senses right

    ReplyDelete
  6. ...and I thought only I hated shitrukh khan!! :)
    I think he is just a ham actor..

    And IPL3
    'May the best team win, as long as it is Rajasthan Royals' :P :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. @ arpit: dude, do not be a friggin raj thackeray! we all know how much you adore srk but this doesnt mean i cant write anything abt him here. this is india, my friend. we have a right to dissent. just like i respect the fact that you like him, you should respect the fact that i abhor him. be a man and use parliamentary language while commenting! get some tolerance, brother!

    where's the question of support!!!!! did i ask for any? i just scribbled down what came to my mind and what i think...m not starting any campaign against him...he does rule the hearts of a large chunk of junta...good for him...but also get some common sense, not all can love him...just the way not all can love my idol jon bon jovi...

    i wouldnt go blog bashing when someone writes shit about bon jovi...i would just express my opinion about him!

    grow up, brother! just because you love him doesnt mean the world should!

    and if you get english correctly, i didnt compare srk with krk...i compared kkr with krk! but now when you have suggested, I AM COMPARING SRK WITH HIM! and you know wot, i'm loving it!

    peace!

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. @ dipa: \m/ that he is! he just knows how to get box office registers ringing!

    rajasthan royals is third on my list...When God plays from MI's side...it has to be team number 1!

    ReplyDelete
  10. If parliamentary language was the case, then definitely words like 'Shit' 'asshole' shouldn't have been used i guess??U can have your opinion but when you are commenting on such a revered personality like SRK, the words used by you should also not sound offensive to anyone...
    As far as comparision of KKR/SRK with KRK..with your whole blog being about King Khan, anyone can guess who you are comparing KRK with...although in a subtle manner..With Mumbai Indians also having a dismal performance in the last 2 seasons despite having Jayasuriya & Sachin in the same team....would you say that Sachin is also a poor performer??No, definitely not..Sachin is the greatest cricketer of all times..Then what's the problem??Its just that sometimes that you plan things but they dont fall in place as you had conceived..The same happened with KKR last season..They lost too many close matches..This time, the things are different..And it'll be a treat to watch the King's Knights outperform their rivals

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dude I hate that bugger SRK and the captain Ganguly like hell.. But my heart beat for KKR coz I love my cityu Kolkata like anything... Ya two season has been pathetic and deservedly so.. I hoping the way they satrted playing is very positive and when gayle, Mcullam and bond will join it would very formidable unit this year as confidence is very high... I am hope that this year I don't get my ass kicked this year supporting my team... :p

    Last two IPL has been pathetic as two of my teams KKR and MI (Sachin is dere so) did well... I hopin for a dream final this year between KKR and MI..

    KORBO LORBO JEETBO RE !!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. dude, do you normally dont understand english or when we talk abt srk, something takes over your common sense?

    one, i asked you to avoid using unparliamentary language in the comments section NOT IN THE BLOG POST. The blog post is not directly targeted at anyone. So I use any languagae I want to express. But I see to it that all my comments are parliamentary.

    two, i compared kkr with krk...as simple as that...do not read between the lines.

    srk is revered by u, not me. and i have full rights to say anything i want against him...you are like the religious leaders jinki wajah se riots hotey hain...kuch sun nahi saktey apne beliefs ke against...respect the fact that sab aapki tarah nahi hotey!

    aur yaar maine cricketing ki baat ki? abey maine us hype and hoopla ki baat ki that is always associated with shit-rukh!

    it'll definitely be a treat watching kkr outperforming their rivals just like the way it was a treat deccan chargers emerge from ashes last year...i did mention that in the last paragraph of the post that you probably didnt read because you were way too offended when someone said something against srk!

    get a life, bro...please...for ur sake!

    and, please read this comment five times before posting ut next comment. plz understand what i am trying to say rather than commenting like a dork on totally unrelated topics! phew!

    ReplyDelete
  13. @ ankesh: kkr is a supreme example of an excellent T20 side(gayle, mccullum, bond, hodge, matthews etc) that was ruined by unnecessary hype created by shitrukh and unnecessary theories by buchanan.

    fair enuff that you love your city and would love it performing. even i would love kkr to do what dc did last year...but i just cant stand that shitrukh's face on the screen!

    ReplyDelete
  14. @ Arpit: Do you want us to honour the fact that you revere SRKhan? Then have the balls to accept that many others like us despise him.

    @ vkg: bhai, shaaandaar dhajjiya udai hai tune srk ki..bilkul sahi chot pahuchai hai sahi jagaho pe..

    AWWWWESOME BLOG THIS ONE, bhai..

    and the krk bit was extra ordinary..

    ReplyDelete
  15. shukriya sarkar...aapko pasand aya..bas life ban gayi hamari! :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. As if the other franchisees have not gone for any propaganda huh...He just did it his style that's it..Since he's from Bollywood its obvious that he will rope in people from there and do it his way..Whats the harm in the same..His disappointment could be gauged last time itself when KKR lost the match against RR in the super over..As I have already written he made a mistake last season which he is rectifying now..And for someone who is as popular as SRK, the hype is created itself..He does not resort to the same...As for the merchandise and breaking-even part, he is just someone who knows how to make hay even when the sun is not shining...And that should be respected...
    @Shahenshah...SRK is revered by people the world over..I am just a tiny particle in that universe..This you must not forget

    ReplyDelete
  17. @VKG....I disagree a bit here...I am actually indifferent about film industry and people related to it, but SRK did work hard to get where he is today. KJo etc weren't their to help him when he first stepped in mumbai. Yes, the Guy might not be the best actor in film industry, there are many better than him, but once in a while, when that guy really tries, he puts in decent performances.Most SRK haters wont like to compare him to Big B. But compare their careers. Big B too used to pick up some crappy roles, many performances used to be average but he too enjoyed a stay at top. Like SRK, he too never was tailor made for conventional actor. Like SRK, he too creates unnecessary controversies once in a while. But now he is old, he made comeback few years back through larger-than-life roles and now he is the biggest celebrity, icon, personality of century and what not.
    We have to understand, these guys work in an Industry where 'jo dikhta hai, wo bikta hai'...In my opinion they don't actually deserve so much of attention.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dude, while i agree with u that SRK is the perfect example of mediocrity getting more than what its worth, i wonder why ur disgust for srk has to extend to kkr....so much so that by the end of the blog you become more busy comparing kkr to krk instead...stick to srk's antics and the hype and hoopla over him
    after all, u urself mentioned "aur yaar maine cricketing ki baat ki? abey maine us hype and hoopla ki baat ki that is always associated with shit-rukh!"
    (PS - May the best team win as long as it is DDD (or maybe KKR, but that is wishful thinking :) )

    ReplyDelete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  20. @ arpit: exactly! everyone else did, but because i hate shitrukh so much, kkr instantly became the shit-team number 1!!

    yaar tuune pehli line padhi post ki?? i'll post it again.

    Claimer: Some might think that this post is based less on logic than on bias. It's true. 200%.

    kya chahiye aur??? srk sucks for me. period!

    ReplyDelete
  21. @ Kunal(BI): nice! \m/

    the fact remains big b didnt do all the shit in my age and i respect his acting capabilities...but shit rukh i abhor like hell because of the unncessary publicity he garners for nothing!

    for example, and also in response to arpit's comment that hype is created itself around him:

    do u remember that airport incident when srk was frisked at the new york(probably) airport. he came back and said he was frisked because his name is khan. isnt that the filthiest cheapest crappiest publicity stunt for MNIK???

    dats all!

    ReplyDelete
  22. @ pathikrit: hehe! dude its just that shit-rukh extends the hype formula here as well...the silly ramp walks, advertisemnts and press releases...made me abhor the team...if the team lives upto the hype this year, the respect will be back gaian!

    i, too, like DD! So, peace, bro!

    ReplyDelete
  23. True, the presence of Shah Rukh Khan has boosted the TRP of IPL.

    Kolkata are a formidable side. Mistakes have been done but I hope they correct themselves soon.

    ReplyDelete
  24. To talk about the TRPs again... U are getting good nos. bashing SRK n KKR. Anyways, I'll be always there to support anyone bashing SRK n KRK. SRK can't act! KKR can't play cricket! SRK can overact... KKR can take part in fancy-dress competitions! As for the golden tees, I abhor them.. *yuck*. But I sincerely hope they ll finish 7th dis time!
    Aayush is missing Fake IPL Player big time!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. To talk about the TRPs again... U are getting good nos. bashing SRK n KKR. Anyways, I'll be always there to support anyone bashing SRK n KRK. SRK can't act! KKR can't play cricket! SRK can overact... KKR can take part in fancy-dress competitions! As for the golden tees, I abhor them.. *yuck*. But I sincerely hope they ll finish 7th dis time!
    Aayush is missing Fake IPL Player big time!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. One, the numbers I'm getting are less than the usual. I have a database of every damn statistic related to the post.

    Two, even if i wud have been getting them, I didnt do it for TRP...the intolerant will always be excited about any thing i write!

    7th kyun?

    ReplyDelete
  27. THIS IS A COMMENT UNBIASED....PLZ PAY HEED TO EVERY WORD YOU READ!

    I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING YOUR POSTS..FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW...YOUR WRITING SKILLS ARE OF A SUPERLATIVE DEGREE...YOU INFACT WRITE KNITTING WORDS AND EMOTIONS IN A BRILLIANT MANNER.PERIOD!

    YOUR LAST FEW POSTS ARE AWESOME..INFACT MORE THAN AWESOME...THEY WERE AMATEURISH YET THEY WERE MASTERPIECES OF BLOGGING!
    THE BIG QUESTION IS:WHY WRITE SUCH AN ILLOGICAL POST AFTER SUCH MASTERPIECES...IT SEEMS AKIN TO AL PACINO DOING A 'DICK TRACY' OR 'SCENT OF A WOMEN' & THEN DEGRADING HIMSELF BY DOING COUNTLESS MEANINGLESS AND USELESS ROLES LATER...WHY BECOME INFECTED WITH 'THE LAW OF AVERAGES'?

    now if you could read your own blog with the mind of a visitor who is reading your blog..you will distinctly come to know that your sattire is biased..the blog serves what purpose?-degrading SRK/raping KKR/glorifying KRK....it serves nothing...either you have read some article on SRK/KKR/KRK instantly and then jumped up to write such a blog or this is just allowing ur long stored anger and anguish against anyone of the above flow out?all your other blogs served puepose-if not literary purpose then entertainment purpose..if not entertainment purpose then infotainment purpose..but this blog is utter crap....I AM NO BIG FAN OF SRK..NEITHER DO I LIKE IPL...I WUDN'T LOVE TO KNOW AN INCH MORE ABOUT KRK THAN WAT I ALREADY KNW...but sorry to say MANGOMAN.. this time the mangoes were not pulpy..they were jus eyecatching.THIS POST AHS NOTHING SUBSTANTIAL..NOTHING SUBSTANTIAL..SORRY DUDE...I WUD HAVE BET MY LIFE ON YOUR EARLIER MASTERPIECES BUT THIS WAS WASTE OF TIME....MAINTAIN STANDARDS..YOUR READERS ARE ADDICTED TO POSTS LIKE 'psychedelic'...DON'T TREAT THEM TO A POST THAT IS A REFLECTION OF YOUR PERSONAL BIAS(it seems) RATHER THAN BEING A WINDOW TO YOUR MIND THAT CAN CONJURE BRILLIANT POSTS...YOU MAY RETORT VEHEMENTLY..BUT THEN I NEVER WANTED TO BE GUILTY ALL MY LIFE FOR NOT COMMENTING COZ I KNOW THE VALUE OF COMMENTS TO THE BLOGGER AT THE RYT TYM!

    ReplyDelete
  28. THIS IS A COMMENT UNBIASED....PLZ PAY HEED TO EVERY WORD YOU READ!

    I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING YOUR POSTS..FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW...YOUR WRITING SKILLS ARE OF A SUPERLATIVE DEGREE...YOU INFACT WRITE KNITTING WORDS AND EMOTIONS IN A BRILLIANT MANNER.PERIOD!

    YOUR LAST FEW POSTS ARE AWESOME..INFACT MORE THAN AWESOME...THEY WERE AMATEURISH YET THEY WERE MASTERPIECES OF BLOGGING!
    THE BIG QUESTION IS:WHY WRITE SUCH AN ILLOGICAL POST AFTER SUCH MASTERPIECES...IT SEEMS AKIN TO AL PACINO DOING A 'DICK TRACY' OR 'SCENT OF A WOMEN' & THEN DEGRADING HIMSELF BY DOING COUNTLESS MEANINGLESS AND USELESS ROLES LATER...WHY BECOME INFECTED WITH 'THE LAW OF AVERAGES'?

    now if you could read your own blog with the mind of a visitor who is reading your blog..you will distinctly come to know that your sattire is biased..the blog serves what purpose?-degrading SRK/raping KKR/glorifying KRK....it serves nothing...either you have read some article on SRK/KKR/KRK instantly and then jumped up to write such a blog or this is just allowing ur long stored anger and anguish against anyone of the above flow out?all your other blogs served puepose-if not literary purpose then entertainment purpose..if not entertainment purpose then infotainment purpose..but this blog is utter crap....I AM NO BIG FAN OF SRK..NEITHER DO I LIKE IPL...I WUDN'T LOVE TO KNOW AN INCH MORE ABOUT KRK THAN WAT I ALREADY KNW...but sorry to say MANGOMAN.. this time the mangoes were not pulpy..they were jus eyecatching.THIS POST AHS NOTHING SUBSTANTIAL..NOTHING SUBSTANTIAL..SORRY DUDE...I WUD HAVE BET MY LIFE ON YOUR EARLIER MASTERPIECES BUT THIS WAS WASTE OF TIME....MAINTAIN STANDARDS..YOUR READERS ARE ADDICTED TO POSTS LIKE 'psychedelic'...DON'T TREAT THEM TO A POST THAT IS A REFLECTION OF YOUR PERSONAL BIAS(it seems) RATHER THAN BEING A WINDOW TO YOUR MIND THAT CAN CONJURE BRILLIANT POSTS...YOU MAY RETORT VEHEMENTLY..BUT THEN I NEVER WANTED TO BE GUILTY ALL MY LIFE FOR NOT COMMENTING COZ I KNOW THE VALUE OF COMMENTS TO THE BLOGGER AT THE RYT TYM!

    ReplyDelete
  29. No Comments."oh-i-am-a-girl-i-have-to-like-him"

    ReplyDelete
  30. ohh... my heart sinks to know u are after nos. here(although u deny n confirm the same on the same page)......
    anyways.. ur blog.. ur choice!!
    n 7th coz it's d arithmetic mean of 6th n 8th... look i have instilled some logic in ur post :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. @vkg sir....i m late in commenting no words to say except i luv sharukh .....n i support Kkr forever....

    ReplyDelete
  32. @ Satyam: Dude, whoever you are, instant respect! \m/

    Thanks for every word of appreciation...we all know what encouragement does appreciation or even acknowledgement of effort provides. :)

    I humbly accept that the post is totally based on my misgivings about srk and i never made any fuss about that. its just that i wanted to vent it out. (my girlfriend is this big SRK fan, so a lil bit of jealousy creeps in as well :P) Its a totally harmless post, a comic relief after the posts like 'psychedelic' and my experiments with urdu :)

    To tell you the truth, it has always been the case that whatever strikes my fancy at that point of time, i just start keying in. I have written similar posts in the past as well as will continue to do so. The posts will be a mix of the kind of posts you (and i) like and the kind of posts when i want to have some fun :)

    i just hope u carry on the support regardless of posts like this coz trust me, a comment on my blog is way too special to me! :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. @ akansha: lol! so you do like him! expected!

    ReplyDelete
  34. @ Aayush: lol...m loving justifying myself! :D

    i said i didnt write "mr. shit" only for numbers...i do value numbers..there are two widgets related to visitors that are visible to everyone...also, i do reply to every comment...where's the confusion?

    and why average now?

    ReplyDelete
  35. @ Raj: Your call, man...too subjective! :)

    ReplyDelete
  36. olryt...thn its okay...but u knw..i acknowledge one thing about SRK...he has grown colossal in stature...on his own..got ryt frnds,got ryt connections,got ryt moves..inspite of better actors than him..he still rakes in moolah for his substandard movies(except BAAZIGAR/CHAK DE/SAWDES/MNIK)just on the basis of his widest fan base in the world that surpasses even tom cruise(m quoting an article from TOI)...one has to respect him for that...no background..but he made himself..undoubtedly his name shall be jus next to BIG B in the lists of superstars of indian cinema..but thn as i professed,i neither like him nor do i hate him...but some truth cannot be overlooked!

    and by the way...if your girlfrnd likes SRK,better start being tolerant towards him..or else these gals can make ur life hell as they seldom tolerate their loved ones liking something else than wat they like!lol!
    and hope everything is fyn btwn the two of you as your earlier posts/shayari were quite sad..hope that was just fictioN?god bless!

    ReplyDelete
  37. :) ya that he is...the grand daddy of social networking as i said!

    lol...thanks for the suggestion :D

    part of it was fiction, part of it was reality...but nthn associated with her :)

    ReplyDelete
  38. kkr bak to it's losing ways..hehehe

    ReplyDelete
  39. look the thing is I'll justify myself, you'll follow suit... n noone is gonna back down.... a vicious circle you see... and as of now I am seeking Nirvana!

    and as average coz they re a below avg team (PJ)!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. lol...the team can never get its lessons right!!

    ReplyDelete
  41. @ aayush: dats wot the comments section is for! i cant seek nirvana though! :D

    ReplyDelete
  42. baksh do sarkaar, galti ho gai hakle se. uski team ko tochod do..gayle aur bond hain..i love that team..

    ReplyDelete
  43. gayle, bond, matthews and hodge...the team is a solid one, no doubt but havent performed to the hoopla! and after today, no comments!

    ReplyDelete
  44. First that sms wala post and now this. She should kick some ass. You are not gonna understand otherwise. SRK is the best actor in the film industry today. He can make anyone swoon. The ones who do not like him are plain fools.

    no info about kr though :-(

    ReplyDelete
  45. ooooh...guess i touched a nerve :P

    koi nahi...ye saare illusions usi deewangi ka asar hai jiske baare mein aap baat kar rahi hain...just because he can make his films earn doesnt mean every damn person out here should love him..to each his own!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  46. Say whatever you want to, that wont change the fact that Shahrukh is this nation's sweetheart <3 Hopefully his team will win someday also.

    ReplyDelete
  47. I never denied the ends, just the means :) and i'm waiting for that day as well :)

    ReplyDelete
  48. As you said, RR is third on ur list. Who is the second one dear ?

    ReplyDelete
  49. Deccan! The list is something like
    MI > DC > RR > DD > RCB > KXIP > CSK > KKR
    what's yours?

    ReplyDelete
  50. this calls for a breakup..
    even wen u hate the gr8 shah rukh khan u write abt him..imagine wat wud ppl who love him do for him

    ReplyDelete

If you know what a comment is worth to a blogger, do not spend the rest of your life in guilt!