Friday, October 22, 2010


The way you start trying to wake me up: fingers in my hair.
The way you seem like you will never give up.
The way you finally give up, with the blanket in air and a slap on my back.

The way you make my favourite breakfast daily: omelettes.
They way you abhor eggs and cannot stand the smell.
The way you never complain.

The way you're addicted to your saas-bahu sagas, fultoo updated with all the plots.
The way you never understand cricket, however much I try.
The way we watch the game together when I'm home.

The way you never like my haircuts, my sideburns or my goatee.
The way you never understand the concept of low-waist jeans.
The way you always think I'm the cutest kid on the planet.

The way you always try to teach me manners and make me look like I belong to the same species. The way you always think I've lost weight when I come home, including the time when I had gained a good 7kgs.

The way you always pulled the purse's strings when Dad tried his best to spoil me. How I hated you then! The way you explained to me the perils of smoking when He told his cigarette tales from college. The way you never let us know till things got better again that the family income was zero for three years. The way you never needed anything for yourself. The way you never took sides when we fought and taught me how to face the bullies (read: sisters). The way you always let me have the best coffee mug. The way you always cut me the biggest slice of the cake.

The way you accepted the fact that getting into fights is my way of life. The way you always chided me when the teacher complained of yet another "kaarnaama" at school and then lovingly explained the way things should be.

The way you pretended that you didn't notice that empty bottle of beer in my room that day.

The way you realize my handicap at expressing my gratitude/love/respect to anyone orally. The way you never expect me to greet you on the phone and still bless me everytime.

I've never told this to you and I probably never will: I love you, Ma!


It was her birthday yesterday. As always (literally, always), I forgot about it till 1pm.

Plan: Sleep till 2. Go to eat at 2. Go to class at 2.30. Get a gift for her at 4. Leave for home at 4.30.
Action: I overslept and woke up at 6. Couldn't even go home.

Biggest loser ever!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Bunking Chandra Chatterjee

Let's name this prof X and this course Y.

I had volunteered for providing my services for counselling twelfth grade students as a part of the ongoing "Joy Of Giving Week". The schedule happened to clash with Lecture 1 of Y. Now I couldn't let the organising team down by not turning up at the last moment. So, I decided to give the lecture a miss. I pushed the electric-start button at 8.55 am and accelerated. There he was, Sir X, on his way to the lecture hall. Evidently, I had 'bunked' the introductory session and was caught bike-handed by none other than the professor. Dumbfounded, I greeted him and he returned a wicked smile.

Lecture 2. Sir X enters the lecture hall and scans the student area.

Sir X: "I hope attendance is not required today. Everyone seems present."
(Giving me a mean look:) "Oh, you're present! Everyone is here then."

I died in embarassment.

Two days later. We were forced to bunk the Lecture 3 to submit a business plan on time whose deadline, awesomely, co-incided with the lecture. Not having slept for 36 hours, we decided to treat ourselves with the legendary Bauaji-tea. As fate would have it, Baua-ji wasn't open and we came back. While I parked the bike, there he was, Sir X, returning from the lecture. I was caught again, bike-handed. Dumbfounded, I greeted him to a no-response.

Lecture 4. Having a lot of assignments the previous night, I had not been able to read the case study scheduled for discussion.

Sir X: "So, what is the dilemma in this case? Varun, why don't you try?"
Clue-fuckin-less, I turned the pages of the thirty-page case study, hoping for a miracle.
"What is the dilemma? Is it a bird, an animal, what is it?" I stared blankly, biting my lower lip.
"Have your read the case?" I shook my head.
"So you want a break? To read the case and come back? You want what: 10, 30 minutes? You want me to stop the class so that you can read it and enlighten us?"

I died in embarassment.

Lecture 5. I was feeling really proud of myself. Not only had I read the case study, I had also read the scheduled 16-page reading. There was no way in this world could I be raped this time. Bring it on.

"So, who all have read the reading?"
Sniffing an air of arrogance, I raised my hand: only to find that mine was the only one above the sea-level.
"Oh, for a change, Varun has read it."
Chuckles back to himself and repeats, "Today, for a change, Varun has done the reading!!!"

I died in embarassment, yet again!!!

P.S. A few minutes later while discussing the purchase behaviour for a bike, Sir X asked if anyone had recently got a bike for himself. Yours truly raised the fabled hand. Sir X dealt a crushing blow again.

"Oh yes, I have seen your bike."

Damn, this tiny XL campus!

Saturday, October 02, 2010

My God in Ayodhya

Sep30 2010. Today's the verdict. Well, not the final one. But, it's got to be a milestone. The saffrons are there. The greensas well. Will they embrace white and thus complete the Tricolour regardless of the verdict or will they paint the land red? Time will tell, like it has always done in BR Chopra's Mahabharat.

In the meanwhile, what does that man have to say who, in all this hullabaloo around him, has ironically been pushed to the sidelines? He's called by various names. He's Rama, whose place of birth is as contentious as Lindsay Lohan's life. He's Rahim, whose dream of a blemish-free religion has been mercilessly stoned to death.

Probably this is what my God wants to scream out.

dafna do mujhe
chaurahe pe
kabr khod do meri
ya jalaa do
kuch sookhi lakdiyon ke saath

maar to tumne
kal hi diya tha

cheekha tha bahot
koshishein ki thi
samjhane ki
manaane ki
bataane ki

tum nahi samjhe
koi nahi samjha
ungliyan uthi
uthti rahi

ab numaish mat karo
mere nange jism ki

rooh toh rahi nahi
bahot pehle hi
chhod gayi

le jaao mujhe
daal aao kahin
apni is duniya se door
bahot door

waise bhi tumhari is duniya mein rakha kya hai??