Arbit!

Disclaimer: My mental state is far from stable. Do not proceed if you want to read something that makes sense.

I've just come back to my room after an end-term paper. We have the last one tomorrow. I'll be one-third of a manager. Its been five times I've clicked on "New Post" and then aborted the operation. I desperately want to write about something. Some...thing. But it eludes me. I don't know what it is. I don't have a frickin' clue, whatsoever. Read about an IIM-I prof murdered at her residence. Its bothering me. I want to watch 'City Of God' for ages and its right there on my hard disk drive. Why do people always misunderstand me? Why do I always want people to understand me? Am I an approval junkie - a monkey wrapped in suits? (Link) I pretty much pride myself of being exactly the opposite. I am what I am. The tagline has made me loyal to Rbk. I don't give a nine-legged spider's ass to what they think. I think I do. I think I've started doing that. Heck. Suleimann Benn manhandled Mitchell Johnson. Haddin instigated them. Cricket is no longer a gentlemen's game. Am I a gentleman? I want BM to win the Prestige Cup 7-0. Why cant I bowl leg-breaks the way I can bowl off-breaks. I believe in God. I used to talk to him. It has reduced to a mere formality now. I am not on Twitter. I want to tweet. What's so special about Google Wave? Is it a distorted example of Missionary Selling? Do I care? New orkut sucks like hell. I want a PPO in HJ Heinz. I want to prove things to the world. Again. I suck. I'm changing. I don't like the change. I will quit smoking one day. Smoking kills. It has started showing effects on my lungs. I don't smoke much. Why me? Why cant I quit? Bon Jovi is religion. Their music never got its due. I've ceased listening to music. I need to install Windows 7. I wish I had a Macbook. I like Pacino. Is De Niro better? I want to act. I think I can. Everybody thinks he can. Is "everybody" singular? The show's name is Everybody LoveS Raymond. Its singular, or is it? I need to get my bike serviced. I'm just in love with the machine. Its the best babe on earth. Why don't people leave a word of appreciation/critique on reading a post? Why can't they do a little thing that means so much to the blogger? Why is it important to the blogger? I've started drinking again. Jesu's business dinner was awesome. The same White Mischief felt so different, so smooth. Five-rupee coins are being smuggled to Bangladesh where they are melted to make razors. Six of them, two-rupee each from a five rupee coin. This would contribute towards a liquidity crunch. Inflation will rise. As if I care. I don't have another B-school interview scheduled. MBA sucks. The education system is as outdated as Ashish Nehra's scantily disguised out-swingers. There's a lot of learning involved. Outside the classroom, of course. Would I spend my life selling sabun-tel? FMCG attracts me. I've been trying to find dental floss for some time now. What has come upon Jamshedpur? There's no Gilette deo as well. So much for the 'push' strategy - the thumb rule in FMCG. I loved yesterday's Marketing question paper. People thought it was gas. It was a quality B-school paper after months. Practical problems that required on-the-feet out-of-the-box thinking. I want to make ads. I think I'm creative. How? I don't know. I am. I haven't done anything to proclaim it. MTV Roadies is deteriorating. I miss Roadies 4 and 5. Our senior is there - one of the roadies - in Africa in the current edition. I don't wanna end this post. Would I publish it? I think I would. Would anyone be interested? Do i want them to be? I think I do. Again.

Sorry!

Kuchh bhi!!!

ROFL!!!

If you can't figure out the hilarious discrepancy...one, get a common sense and two, go join American Megatrends, Inc.

Ashamed of being a man!

"Don't tell me hundred ways how you cannot respond to the problem. Can you ply your mind for that one way that you can respond to the problem?"

- Sunitha Krishnan

I've always believed in the superiority of females over us when it comes to being the stronger species. But if this is what being a man is all about, I'm ashamed of it. Sunitha Krishnan(blog) co-founded Prajwala to rescue 'sex slaves' and find them safe haven. If nothing else, we could contribute our bit by sharing this video with as many people we know.

Make sure at least one of the link works.

TED | Youtube | Veoh | Milk & Cookies

Magma | Mefeedia | VTap

"Can you break your culture of silence? Can you speak to at least two persons about this story? Tell them this story. Convince them to tell this story to another two persons. I'm not asking y'all to become Mahatma Gandhis or Martin Luthers or Medha Patkars, or something like that. I'm asking you, in your limited world: can you open your minds? Can you open your hearts? Can you just encompass these people too? Because they're also a part of us. They're also a part of this world."

Find the Transcript here

Disclaimer: I might be guilty of yellow journalism as the title is not that relevant to the post but the purpose was to share this video with as many people as I could. The ends, baby, not the means.

P.S. If you can't access any of the links, let me know. I'll do something about it. But please, spare a few minutes to support this cause.

Jab We Met...Socha Na Tha!

A day of failed and partially-showing-promise visits to all the offices in Jamshedpur for the sponsorship of the largest and the oldest Marketing Research fest in India - MAXI Fair @ XLRI. Headed to Bauaji (Google Maps link) for the best tea in Jamshedpur.

Guess who I met at supposedly his favourite hangout in the Steel City on a dilapidated chabutra at the world-renowned-in-Jamshedpur Bauaji Tea Stall.

Imtiaz Ali and moi!

Ganged Up - Part2 [6-10]

Read the part 1 here.

Well, I pretty much expected the sworn Scarface fans would mind its being there in the first part. Just to make it clear, I would any day love to watch Scarface more than a couple of movies in this part. But that's majorly due to Pacino and the overall influential style. As far as the genre goes, the plot, the treatment, the technology (as much as I understand) and the overall impact as a Gangster movie helps the following movies make the cut in the top 10.

#10 Blow (2001)

Tagline: Based on a true story.

Nothing new. Misguided, intelligent, good-at-heart protagonist makes it big in the drug peddling industry. But the very fact that it's inspired from a real life saga makes us stop and think. Father-child relationships: Liotta-Depp and Depp-daughter well explored. Liotta, by the way, is outstanding, understated, touching. Depp's one of the finest performances. Emotions. Love. Greed. Desperation. Power. Rise and fall movie. Nuances, nuances, nuances. Funky. Sixties to Eighties well captured. Empathy invoking climax. Penelope's sensual (in her clothes). A must-watch!

# 9 Casino (1995)

Tagline: You don't stay at the top forever.

Scorsese-De Niro- Joe Pesci: my fave hollywood trio. After an awful lot of cheap comic flicks about Vegas and casinos, I came upon this classic lately. A fabulous exploration of the work that goes on behind the lights, moolah, greed and deception. Relationships captured beautifully. De Niro-Pesci; De Niro-Stone; Pesci-Stone. Not a dull moment. Unbelievably under-appreciated. Complex. Multi-layered. Betrayal. Lust. Power. Destruction. The finest details. Great homework. Rise and fall movie. Profanity reaches dizzying heights and yet it never seems forced. 398 uses of "Fuck". Magnificent performances. De Niro's one of the understated best. Pesci: well, he's a gem of an actor who never got his due. Quintessential him: the same crazy dialogue delivery. And Sharon Stone...gosh! An unbelievably fine performance as a psychotic who makes us hate her like hell. Go watch!

#8 Mean Streets (1973)

Tagline: You don't make up for your sins in the church. You do it in the streets...

First of the nine Scorsese-De Niro. The gangster stuff. The streets. The hoodlums. Their bonds. Their relationships. Their (lack of) ideals. Their life. Charlie(Keitel) doesn't fail to impress. Johnny Boy(De Niro) stands apart. The simple yet surreal string of "Wha(t)"s or the wild rebel dance with respect to nobody towards the end, he's one of my all-time favourite characters. Energy. Vivaciousness. Flamboyance. The very fact that it was made way back in '73 makes us realize the influence it has on the so-called cult crime sagas. Honest. Real. Into the skin. Highly under appreciated. Crude. Minimalist. It's said that Scorsese wanted to be either a priest or a gangster and he could be none. The movie, though, does full justice to both the themes.

#7 The Departed (2006)

Tagline: Lies. Betrayal. Sacrifice. How far will you take it?

Scorsese fiiiinally gets an Oscar! Its a treat. Di Caprio-Wahlberg-Nicholson-Damon. The most enchanting plot I've ever seen(credit to Infernal Affairs). Fantabbbulous performances by all. Probably the best by Di Caprio. Quirky, hilarious lines for Wahlberg. One of my fave characters - Dignam!

"Let's say you have no idea and leave it at that, okay? No idea. Zip. None. If you had an idea of what we do, we would not be good at what we do, now would we? We would be cunts. Are you calling us cunts? "

Intelligent. Edge-of-the-seat. Flawless. Refined. Violence. Gore. Profanity. Stunning. Engulfing. Twists and Turns. Unpredictable. Entertaining. Fresh. Dark. One of the most interesting screenplays. A story-telling that keeps you involved. A cant-afford-to-miss!

#6 Reservoir Dogs

Tagline: Seven perfect strangers team up for the perfect crime. They don't know each other's names. But they've got each other's colour.

God Tarantino's debut. Quintessential him: razor-cut characters - each a masterpiece; supreme wit; crazy funny dialogues; cynical; stylish; violent; non-linear; motormouth; profane; debauch; dark humour. Real. No-nonsense. No comic relief. No romance. No big stars. No make-up. Just a gang where trust is the last thing to be found. Intentionally ludicrous at times. Plot revolves around a jewel heist, never touching it. Almost entirely within the four walls. It's a movie that grows on you. No one can watch just once! Michael Madsen's best performance among the ones I've seen. Every other just eases into the character. Dialogues just make you wonder and get amused at things not funny at all.

"Listen kid, I'm not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don't give a good fuck what you know, or don't know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It's amusing, to me, to torture a cop. You can say anything you want cause I've heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get. "

"You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize."

"Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?"

P.S. Go watch it even if you have already watched and loved "Kaante". It has got much more to it. Kaante was just a masalized version of Dogs.

Ganged Up - Part1 [11-15]

The Mob | Mafia | Syndicate | Cosa Nostra

Guns | Goons | Gangsters

Sex | Dope

Power

My favourite genre of movies. Here starts the trilogy of the top 15 Gangster movies I've watched. You might, rather, you are bound to differ. I have my own criteria of "judging". :P

I definitely haven't watched all of them. Its just the list of the ones I have.

#15 American Gangster (2007)

Tagline: There are two sides to the American Dream.

Loooong movie. Interesting casting of the lead pair. Denzel Washington vs. Russel Crowe. Top-notch performances. Honest. True story. Thoughtful. Drug Trafficking. No cheap drug peddler but an elegant, suave, black one. No fireworks, no frills. An amazing glorification of the drug trade. Rise and fall movie. Highly under-appreciated.

Simplicity at its best though too easy to forget if not appreciative of the nuances. Go watch!

# 14 Donnie Brasco (1997)

Tagline: Based on a true story.

Pacino-Depp-Madsen! Reminded me slllllightly of Hrishikesh Da's Namak Haraam but in a whole new avatar. Underrated. Honest. No frills, what-so-ever. No great camera shots, no great dialogues. Not the most original or something out of the way but a nice taut plot. Depp is the angry-silent-hunk while Pacino is Pacino! Michael Madsen at his best. Watch it for its honesty.

# 13 Snatch (2000)

Tagline: Stealin' Stones and Breakin' Bones.

Crazy. Confusing. Pulp. Funny. Hilarious. Weird camera angles. Pitt's goofy accent - "Dags!". Freakin' unbelievable dialogues! Wit at its supreme.

• "Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity"
• "You take Sugar?" "No thanks, Turkish. I'm sweet enough"
• "Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible c*nt... me."
• "Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... LONDON."

Better watch "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" before it to appreciate it better. In either case, you won't have a friggin clue of what's going on!

#12 Road To Perdition (2002)

Tagline: Pray for Michael Sullivan.

American Beauty fame director Sam Mendes. Few dialogues, bordering on none. A dark, cold, rainy feel. Silhouttes. Coarse overcoats. Tom Hanks's poker-face throughout. Daniel Craig's close-ups. Emotionless. Full of emotions. Father-son relationships: Paul Newman and Daniel Craig, Paul Newman and Tom Hanks(surrogate) & Tom Hanks and his son. Revenge. Jude Law, the mystery. "I shoot the dead. Dead bodies, that is. I don't kill them."

# 11 Scarface (1983)

Tagline: He was Tony Montana. The world will remember him by another name.

Epic. Cult-following. Visceral. Loud. Over-the-top. Unrefined. Dope. Violence. Gore. Greed. Corruption. Death. Al Pacino does what he does best - getting into the skin of Tony Montana. Razor-cut characterization - Cult. Hypnotic Cuban accent - Cult. Bucketloads of swearing - Cult. "Fuck" used 207 times. One of the most influential climaxes - Cult. Dialogues - Cult. #8 on Entertainment Weekly's Top 50 Cult Films.

• "I always tell the truth. Even when I lie."
• "This is paradise, I'm tellin' ya. This town like a great big ***** just waiting to get fucked"
• "Is that coke in your bra or are you just happy to see me?"
  
• "My boss is gonna stick your heads up your asses faster than a rabbit gets fucked."
• "You wanna fuck with me? You fucking with the best! You wanna fuck with me? Okay. You little cockroaches... come on. You wanna play games? Okay, I play with you; come on. Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!"

RanDumb Things About Me!

Inspired by Shifa's post.

• I presently use a pink toothbrush. I think it turns me on, in a good way.
• I think Katrina Kaif was once a man.
• I can never finish the last bite of food. I am somehow too full for it.
• I can go on without keeping in touch with the very few people I like.
• I hate the smell of rum. I love drinking it.
• When drunk, I black-out.
• I feel repulsed to non-vegetarian food.
• I love writing. I find it extremely tough to write the first few lines.
• I dont understand why people keep on listening to instrumentals.
• I visit IMDb at least twice daily.
• I hate to have too many food items on my plate. I would rather have them separately.
• I doze off while talking over the telephone.
• I am always short of topics to talk about.
• Things always sound better in my head than when I say them.
• My foot just loves my mouth.
• I cant multitask.
• I can have egg rolls four times a day, 365 days a year.
• I don't believe in the concept of 'days' - valentine's day, mothers's day, chairs's day, slippers' day et al - even birthdays!
• I cannot untie knots.
• I once had butterscotch with ketchup. I loved it.
• I love being alone. I just hate silence when I'm not.
• Sometimes I wish there were remote controls for everything, especially for the itch at the centre of my spinal cord.
• My favourite place on earth is my bed.
• I absolutely hate hangovers.
• I desperately wish someone comforts the eternal crybaby - Enrique Uglysias.
• I hate to walk. Wheels are undoubtedly the best invention ever.
• I punch my bed/the wall almost daily on waking up. I hate it.
• I love staring at my computer screen doing nothing at all.
• I read and edit my blog daily. I'm too finicky with that.
• I have a 1.44 MB memory.
• People normally call me up on their birthdays to remind me to wish them.
• I always have a hellish time finding keys. Thanks to XL for electronic locks.
• I love batting and even fielding. I hate bowling. I'm a bowler.
• I study for a twenty-mark quiz but do not for two ten-markers.
• I am a spoilt brat. I hate it when things do not go as expected.
• I don't want to hurt people and yet I hate political correctness.
• There are a few things that hurt me. I think about them all the time.
• I just cant play chess/volleyball.
• I like to have cucumber slices with pickle.
• I almost always eat mushroom when I eat outside.
• I hate to watch animated movies. Yuck!
• I do not drink even a litre of water in a day.
• I abhor astrology/zodiac like hell. I read my orkut fortune daily.
• I just cant sit still while talking over the phone.
• I freak out when my bed's not made up. I'm obsessed with matched bedsheets and pillow covers.
• I hate wearing a helmet while riding a bike.
• I want to be an agent in the Secret Service.
• I fail to understand the reason behind having pets. I hate them.
• I hate skipping meals.
• I do not have a driving license or a passport.
• Its excruciatingly irritating when a tune just gets stuck in my head and I cant sing the words. I keep on humming instead.
• I cant roll my tongue.
• The one thing I hate the most in this world is a snooze button. I'm, effectively, immune to alarms.
• I hate wearing socks. I'm generally found in my sandals.
• I wear odd socks nine out of ten times.
• I have never spent more than a minute at crosswords. I just hate them.
• I have solved a Sudoku puzzle just once.
• The busier my life, the more time I waste, the more I blog.
• I'm too easily satisfied and yet I'm never happy.
• I don't know what I want. I know what I don't.
• I plan. Then I plan more. I never work.
• I'm an open book but the text is encrypted. I'm always misunderstood.
• I haven't watched a single episode of 'Chandrakanta', 'Surbhi' or 'Shanti'.
• I have actually never watched a single Mel Gibson, Stallone or Arnold movie.
• I've never had schezwan. I don't know what it looks like.
• I hate smokers. I smoke.
• I hate people. I'm one of them.

Dyin' For A Living

- Written, Composed and Performed by Varun Gupta

Out exclusively on Broken Records

Download Song (Apologies for the obvious things :P)

Lyrics:

I see people all around me

I see lots of them.

Everybody’s goin’ crazy

Everywhere is a new mayhem.

All the time they’re runnin’

It’s not their fault;

They’re dyin’ for a living

Nothing’s under control.

All I want to say, All I want to do,

Is to make them realize, none of this is true.

I would say to them, “Look around you,

Think of the best things, may be count a few...

You can wake up

With the woman you love;

Kiss her good morning

While she’s still not up.

You can see the birds

Heading back to home;

And Think of your children

Waitin till you come.

You can watch the rain

Thinkin’ what it was like;

When you were a kid of eight

And you realize

It was a lot better

You were in no hurry;

There wasn’t a deadline

There was no worry...

Change

This was what I scribbled on a piece of paper in Gurdit's notepad while listening to Michael Ferreira. Just wanted to share...

Change

- Written and composed by Varun Gupta

Out exclusively on Broken Records.

Does it really...

...make a difference...

...how the times are strange?

Do you ever feel...

...honestly...

...it's for you to change?

It's a place where everybody's

Busy dealing or stealing,

Where if you aren't somebody

Then dude, you are nobody!

Do you ever stop...

...stop and think...

...where we're going to?

Is there anything...

...anyone...

...of us can do???

-X-

Soemthing not really related to the context...but can be used to convey the message...of a desperately needed change:

Lost Generation

Oh! If only I can!

Chapter 1: JLT, Wet Night, Inglourious Basterds

There's a few feet wide path that separates the Father Enright Men's Residence from the JLT - Just Like That. It refers to the lush green lawn and the area surrounding it. Its the heart of XL - the sacrosanct place that holds a special place in every XLer's heart.

JLT

Its a Wet Night tonight at JLT. It refers to an inseparable part of XL culture. We booze and dance all night long. But this wet night is different. It was preceded by a Bodhi Tree performance (JLT again!). It rocked in patches. There was the God on drums. The national anthem on electric guitars literally gave me goosebumps. But I wasn't in the mood for the most part. I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't myself. I wasn't me.

I have decided to give this Wet Night a miss. A Bishu-Da egg roll, a Mongini's Keyk, a smoke and Inglourious Basterds. It was screened yesterday (JLT, again!) but I had to leave it midway. So I finish off with it today. Kilasik!!! I bow to thee, Lord Quintin Tarantinou!

Chapter 2: Crap!

I go out to brush my teeth. Its 4 am. Coming back, I realize I've been locked outside thanks to the electronic lock. The looooong quest for the Bahadur bhaiya begins. He holds the key to the sacred land of Room No. 406; and he's always at the last place you look. In this case, I walk for around a kilometre to find him a ten feet from the hostel! But the walk's a much needed one. I reflect a lot.

Chapter 3: Reflections!

Ensemble, our fest had gotten over today and the chief guest for the closing ceremony was the former billiards world champ Michael Ferreira. Speaking on the theme of "Integrity and Initiative", the instances that he narrated from his life shook me from within.

There was nothing new. Zilch. But somehow he managed to make me realize that even someone like me who prided himself for not resigning to the sorry state of affairs had actually done the same. Its too easy to scribble here on the blogosphere, condemning the modern day demons like Koda. But what have I done to deserve the right to comment under the aegis of free expression?

An MBA followed by an exhausting job. That's what my life is going to be. An "executive" - hitting the treadmill in the morning to control the blood pressure and cholesterol levels from skyrocketing; rushy breakfasts; projects after projects; brands after brands; promotions; parties; politics; sleeping pills - with a debilitated personal life. I'll swear at the bureaucracy whenever the projects hit roadblocks and then un-hopefully leverage the same to my advantage at other times.

Chapter 4: Oh! If only I can!

But I'll make a difference. At an infinitesimal, individual level. I will stay true to my core values and be the same person I am today. I wont let my morals to go rot for materialistic one-upmanship. I'll stop when the signal is red regardless of the absence of khaki. I'll refuse to bend the system by finding legal but unethical loopholes. I won't bribe - even under the direst circumstances. I will search for dustbins. I will vote.

Oh! If only I can!

Michael Ferreira says that if you can change just one person by your upright behaviour, your work is done. Fingers crossed.

Googly - Part 2

Read The Part 1 here.

--

Yet another masterpiece from Google. Without much ado, here's the thing.

Search for "why" on Google. These are among the ten top most suggestions by Google based on the most number of searches. Friggin' unbelievable!

• Why are Indians so smart? :D
• Why are Indians hated?
• Why are Indians so ugly?
• Why are Indians obsessed with fairness?
• Why are Indians so cheap?

Why, in the name of crap, is the world obsessed with us?? The cherry, and as a matter of fact, the most searched : WHY MBA? (Anyone who has cleared an MBA entrance examination is familiar with this blood-sucking parasite of a question. Others might not relate to it.)

The riot continues. Search for "Why women". The funniest suggestions:

• WHY WOMEN BECOME FAT AFTER MARRIAGE!!!!
• Why women cheat?
• Why women have affairs in their 30s?

And now the dilemma of Julia Roberts in Notting Hill.

• Why men like breasts?
• Why men are attracted to breasts?
• Why men love breasts?

Its an earnest appeal to the intellectually controversial species. Give your quest a break. You'll never be able to work it out.

Finally, Google Pakistan. A millio times funnier. Have a look. You can at once sympathise with the traumas of the females and the curiousity in the males. Cheers :)

Confessions Of A Naysayer's Mind

You showed up all naked and whiny one sucky day. You were wedged out, leaving the best sanctuary behind. You were introduced to this harsh planet with a slap on the butt - literally. Spanking, actually! You were forced to dress up for the first time in your life, hitherto living it up in peace. All you did was sleep and drink through a straw. And even that "supply chain" was cut off now. That was your birth-day.

Now, why is this celebrated? Whats the friggin' deal? Is it really worth it? What on earth is one's contribution in being born? What accomplishment is being acknowledged/appreciated? I can see just one.

You were the only one (usually) among the millions who actually got through the antivirus, if you know what I mean. You did what a million others couldn't. If you don't get what I mean to say: one, have a frickin' common sense and two, this is for you:

Next, Birthday wishes.

You schizo. You hallucinating self-obsessed freaky egotist with delusions of adequacy. Do you think you control this universe? Can your mere wishing bring happiness to one's life?

Or, do you refer to "wishing" as praying to God. So you mean to say you actually spend some time praying to God that the day goes happy for someone else? Dude, come on!

And, why just that day? Why can't you wish that someone stays happy all his life? Does it not imply an ulterior motive of yours? Do you actually mean to wish "Sad rest of the year!"?

Even if your demented personality doesn't allow to let him stay in peace for the rest of the year for some inexplicable reason, why wish on just that day? Why can't you wish on any regular day, whenever you catch hold of him?

And what's with the handshakes? Is it some weird method of passing on the power to be happy on the day that expires as soon as the clock strikes twelve?

I just don't get it.
P.S. : Its my birthday soon. Do not forget to wish :P

I promise I will...

- Written and composed by Varun Gupta

The most important, most special song that I ever wrote. She said a "Yes!"

I will wake you up with a coffee in bed,

Every once in a while, I will do the dishes;

I promise we'll watch all your favourite shows together,

I'll keep all the stuff back in their places.

I promise I will...

I promise I will...

I promise I will...

I will hold your hair back when you wanna throw up,

When you feel like coughing, I'll get ya cough syrup; [:P]

I will stash my work away and help ya in the crossword,

I'll keep looking at you when you take hours on make-up.

I promise I will...

I promise I will...

I promise I will...

I will hold you close when the movie's scary,

I will read stories to you when you can't sleep baby;

I'll be back on time from office, bring your favourite flowers,

I will take holidays and we'll visit your mommy...

I wanna grow old with you...

I really wanna grow old with you...

Will you grow old with me...

Will you...grow old with me...

Shawls and Quarter Pants!

Disclaimer:

• Trust me, I'm not an MCP; more not so in these swine flu riddled times.
• I've tried to keep the language as aethethic and formal as possible. The intention is not to demean/undermine.
• I intend to lampoon. (Article 19(i)(a), Constitution of India)

Bishu Da's. Post-midnight. Any day.

The weather's changing. Mercury is dipping slowly but steadily. Here I am, bamboozled. I fail to logically deduce whether its cold enough based on the physically visible evidence. Contradiction is in the cool (or not?) air.

Our counterparts with the absence of a certain chromosome are endorsing a certain plurality in their dressing sense hitherto unwitnessed by me. Their upper bodies are well protected by aesthetically appealing shawls, subtly suggesting the onset of my favourite season. But they also sport shorts in the south - quarter pants to be mathematically precise - equally suggestive of the summer heat.

I acknowledge my sucky IQ. But the given instance does defy all means of logical reasoning. Innit??

To OB or not to OB!

As if he hadn't learnt how to behave through Organisational Behaviour-I, here we have OB-II bugging us wantonly in the second term. We have supposedly advanced into the stage where we're learning how are organisations and their hierarchies designed. (Why the heck!)

OB - the shit it is!

God save the HR guys, who have to deal with this crap all their pitiful existence called life. The paper is the height of gas in itself. Jargonization couldn't have been more blatantly futile. Why - o why- do we have to understand that authority is the power to make people accountable while control is the power to co-ordinate them. Wont I, as a manager - ooooh, lemme wallow in this fantasy for a while - have both of these so-called powers? Or, are there specialised managers for both of these seemingly same bush, around which we keep on beating?

Oct13-Oct14 cusp. A normal "day" at XL.

An exhausting day ends to usher into another crappy one. We study the marketing strategies of Red Bull, Inc in a case study and try to figure out the solutions to problems that could not be solved by people like us with a degree in Business, albeit a million times more experienced. We work in virtual teams (:P another jargon, borrowed from OB-II); one of us compiles everything and does the submission in time.

We head towards BishuDa's - our night canteen. We spend an hour there: undoubtedly the best time of the day. Then begins the quest of nailing the OB quiz on returning. Sayan and I try to make sense out of the shittiest text ever where every distinction is blurry and every jargon, redundant. The same thing again, and again, and a million times over, in disguise.

Its 4 in the morn. Bishu Da must have been wrapping up. I get a smoke. I'm trying to quit. A few drags. No more. I need tea. But that can be had only at 6, after the mess boys wake up. Frustrated, I decide to wake up the couple of hours, watching episodes from the inimitable comedy "Whose Line Is It Anyway". A nice refreshing cup of tea could follow and then could be done the ultra-needed revision.

Physically incapable of being up anymore at 0542, I ping Sayan to wake me up at 0600. Ohhh, what a divine feeling that follows closing my eyes!!! The bugger wakes me up at 0558, asking me to wake him up at 8 for the revision - In symbiosis we trust!

And then I do something that I do everyday. I set an alarm to ring at 0605, hold the cellphone tightly to be woken up by the vibrations, if not the sound. Poor Sayan... he's counting on me.

Next thing I know, Sayan wakes me up at 0842!

--X--

Alec Smart says, "If OB-I is referred to as 'Singhal', is OB-II 'double' ???"

Found In Translation!

Google Translator. My XLRI Mailbox. English to Hindi. Just check out the new meaning that some of the words find in translation. Gosh!

Without much ado, presenting...the masterpieces:

"Red Hot Meet Kachchy" becomes "Kachchy लाल गर्म मिलो"
"Doing The Worst Leg" becomes "सबसे ख़राब टांग कर रहा"
"SIP" becomes "घूँट" :D
"Mock Interview" becomes "नकली साक्षात्कार"
"CV Call" becomes "CV बुलाओ"

"COMA is as per schedule" becomes "गहरी बेहोशी अनुसूची के अनुसार है"
/* COMA ~ COst and Management Accounting */

As always, the cherries at last:"Placement Committee - XL" becomes "स्थान समिति - एक्स्ट्रा लार्ज" LOL!!!!

and..."CRISP" becomes...."कुरकुरा" ROFL!!!!!

Googly!

Oct 11. 0200 hours.

There was no deadline the next day. Here at XL, this is an occasion more incredible than Barack Obama winning Oscar (He might as well win this one). It was celebrated with full vigour (read: booze). I had not slept for two nights in a row. The zombie in me dozed off in the morning today, missing three lectures. And here I was, incapable of a shuteye this early.

I logged on to google.co.in - the desi Google. The search engine gives you ten suggestions to autofill the search box whenever you key in some characters based on the most popular searches in India. I started keying in alphabets one after another and was amused at the suggestions.

Indians are just obsessed with Sex. No wonder Kamasutra has its roots down here. Here is some supporting evidence.

• B: Blue Film

• D: DesiBaba.com. It is probably the first and the most legendary porn site in India. It was something our generation logged on to on reaching the good young age of discovering Internet Porn. Was amazed to find it doing rounds among the kiddos even today.

• H: Hot Video

• H: How To Get Pregnant (freakin' unbelievable!)
  

• K: Kamasutra

• P: Pink Word. This baffled me. What on earth is Pink Word! Applying my super developed intellect made me to infer that the misspelling could actually be "Pink World" which could be a porn site. Yep, I was right. It happened to be one.

• S: Sexy Photo
• S: Sexy Wallpaper
• S: Sexy Lady
• S: Sexy Images
  

• S: SavitaBhabhi.com. This is the new sensation. Will make you hate all the Bhabhis you've ever had.

• X: XLRI :P

• X: Xboard.us. The Game Goes "International".

• X: Xnxx.co. Again a misspelling in all probabilities.

And now the the cherry. At last.

• X: XXL London. A Gay Bar...in London!!