Shawls and Quarter Pants!

Disclaimer:

• Trust me, I'm not an MCP; more not so in these swine flu riddled times.
• I've tried to keep the language as aethethic and formal as possible. The intention is not to demean/undermine.
• I intend to lampoon. (Article 19(i)(a), Constitution of India)

Bishu Da's. Post-midnight. Any day.

The weather's changing. Mercury is dipping slowly but steadily. Here I am, bamboozled. I fail to logically deduce whether its cold enough based on the physically visible evidence. Contradiction is in the cool (or not?) air.

Our counterparts with the absence of a certain chromosome are endorsing a certain plurality in their dressing sense hitherto unwitnessed by me. Their upper bodies are well protected by aesthetically appealing shawls, subtly suggesting the onset of my favourite season. But they also sport shorts in the south - quarter pants to be mathematically precise - equally suggestive of the summer heat.

I acknowledge my sucky IQ. But the given instance does defy all means of logical reasoning. Innit??

To OB or not to OB!

As if he hadn't learnt how to behave through Organisational Behaviour-I, here we have OB-II bugging us wantonly in the second term. We have supposedly advanced into the stage where we're learning how are organisations and their hierarchies designed. (Why the heck!)

OB - the shit it is!

God save the HR guys, who have to deal with this crap all their pitiful existence called life. The paper is the height of gas in itself. Jargonization couldn't have been more blatantly futile. Why - o why- do we have to understand that authority is the power to make people accountable while control is the power to co-ordinate them. Wont I, as a manager - ooooh, lemme wallow in this fantasy for a while - have both of these so-called powers? Or, are there specialised managers for both of these seemingly same bush, around which we keep on beating?

Oct13-Oct14 cusp. A normal "day" at XL.

An exhausting day ends to usher into another crappy one. We study the marketing strategies of Red Bull, Inc in a case study and try to figure out the solutions to problems that could not be solved by people like us with a degree in Business, albeit a million times more experienced. We work in virtual teams (:P another jargon, borrowed from OB-II); one of us compiles everything and does the submission in time.

We head towards BishuDa's - our night canteen. We spend an hour there: undoubtedly the best time of the day. Then begins the quest of nailing the OB quiz on returning. Sayan and I try to make sense out of the shittiest text ever where every distinction is blurry and every jargon, redundant. The same thing again, and again, and a million times over, in disguise.

Its 4 in the morn. Bishu Da must have been wrapping up. I get a smoke. I'm trying to quit. A few drags. No more. I need tea. But that can be had only at 6, after the mess boys wake up. Frustrated, I decide to wake up the couple of hours, watching episodes from the inimitable comedy "Whose Line Is It Anyway". A nice refreshing cup of tea could follow and then could be done the ultra-needed revision.

Physically incapable of being up anymore at 0542, I ping Sayan to wake me up at 0600. Ohhh, what a divine feeling that follows closing my eyes!!! The bugger wakes me up at 0558, asking me to wake him up at 8 for the revision - In symbiosis we trust!

And then I do something that I do everyday. I set an alarm to ring at 0605, hold the cellphone tightly to be woken up by the vibrations, if not the sound. Poor Sayan... he's counting on me.

Next thing I know, Sayan wakes me up at 0842!

--X--

Alec Smart says, "If OB-I is referred to as 'Singhal', is OB-II 'double' ???"

Found In Translation!

Google Translator. My XLRI Mailbox. English to Hindi. Just check out the new meaning that some of the words find in translation. Gosh!

Without much ado, presenting...the masterpieces:

"Red Hot Meet Kachchy" becomes "Kachchy लाल गर्म मिलो"
"Doing The Worst Leg" becomes "सबसे ख़राब टांग कर रहा"
"SIP" becomes "घूँट" :D
"Mock Interview" becomes "नकली साक्षात्कार"
"CV Call" becomes "CV बुलाओ"

"COMA is as per schedule" becomes "गहरी बेहोशी अनुसूची के अनुसार है"
/* COMA ~ COst and Management Accounting */

As always, the cherries at last:"Placement Committee - XL" becomes "स्थान समिति - एक्स्ट्रा लार्ज" LOL!!!!

and..."CRISP" becomes...."कुरकुरा" ROFL!!!!!

Googly!

Oct 11. 0200 hours.

There was no deadline the next day. Here at XL, this is an occasion more incredible than Barack Obama winning Oscar (He might as well win this one). It was celebrated with full vigour (read: booze). I had not slept for two nights in a row. The zombie in me dozed off in the morning today, missing three lectures. And here I was, incapable of a shuteye this early.

I logged on to google.co.in - the desi Google. The search engine gives you ten suggestions to autofill the search box whenever you key in some characters based on the most popular searches in India. I started keying in alphabets one after another and was amused at the suggestions.

Indians are just obsessed with Sex. No wonder Kamasutra has its roots down here. Here is some supporting evidence.

• B: Blue Film

• D: DesiBaba.com. It is probably the first and the most legendary porn site in India. It was something our generation logged on to on reaching the good young age of discovering Internet Porn. Was amazed to find it doing rounds among the kiddos even today.

• H: Hot Video

• H: How To Get Pregnant (freakin' unbelievable!)
  

• K: Kamasutra

• P: Pink Word. This baffled me. What on earth is Pink Word! Applying my super developed intellect made me to infer that the misspelling could actually be "Pink World" which could be a porn site. Yep, I was right. It happened to be one.

• S: Sexy Photo
• S: Sexy Wallpaper
• S: Sexy Lady
• S: Sexy Images
  

• S: SavitaBhabhi.com. This is the new sensation. Will make you hate all the Bhabhis you've ever had.

• X: XLRI :P

• X: Xboard.us. The Game Goes "International".

• X: Xnxx.co. Again a misspelling in all probabilities.

And now the the cherry. At last.

• X: XXL London. A Gay Bar...in London!!

The 'B' Nite!

[Parody : Hotel California - The Eagles]

-Written and composed by Varun Gupta
- Censored by EL!

Out on Broken Records

On a fire-brick pathway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of BishuDa, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for a while
There they stood in the pathway;
I heard the dunking yell
And I was thinking to myself,
This could be heaven or this could be hell…

Then they lit up the candles and they showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to apni duniya
Bada Maza Aaya…(Bada Maza Aaya)
Chutiya Banaya
Plenty of 'B' at apni duniya
Any time of year, you can find it here

Their mind is tiffany-twisted, they got the SIC
They got the Father Prabhu Hall, and its sacrosanctity!!
How they dance in the Wet Night, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget

So I called up OMAXI,
please bring me my wine
It said, We have been overcharging you since nineteen sixty nine
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to apni duniya
Bada Maza Aaya…(Bada Maza Aaya)
Chutiya Banaya
We’re livin it up at apni duniya
What a nice surprise, bring your alibis!!

Identity Crisis!

I was posting a comment on a post (a namesake: find it here ) and I realised...

"I'm surely not sure if I'm not sure for sure!!!"

Go figure!

Monkeys wrapped in suits!

"There is something about yourself that you don't know. Something that you will deny even exists, until it's too late to do anything about it. It's the only reason you get up in the morning. The only reason you suffer the shitty puss, the blood, the sweat and the tears. This is because you want people to know how good, attractive, generous, funny, wild and clever you really are. Fear or revere me, but please, think I'm special. We share an addiction. We're approval junkies. We're all in it for the slap on the back and the gold watch. The hip-hip-hoo-fuckin' rah. Look at the clever boy with the badge, polishing his trophy. Shine on you crazy diamond, because we're just monkeys wrapped in suits, begging for the approval of others." - Jake Green

Thy great big one on me!

"Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee ; And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me"

- Robert Frost.

---

August 26, 2009.

We have just taken a quiz of Managerial Economics. Every passing quiz reinforces my belief that there is no managerial quotient in me, let alone economics. Getting royally screwed up in the quizzes is a fact of life I've have now accepted, willy-nilly. But it hurts bad when the guy with the class's lowest cumulative score in Eco - half of mine - does the proverbial dance on the streets on coming out of the Father Prabhu Hall. Anyway, this post is not about that.

---

"God has a sense of humor? Of course! It explains everything." - Dogbert

We have less than an hour to prepare a power point presentation for the BFA assignment. The assignment is somehow completed by other members of the group. My task is the power point crap. The very notion that shadowed us throughout the assignment was a simple logic of probability. Only two out of ten groups are going to be selected at random. The odds are stacked in our favour. The event that we would be asked to present is a long shot.

The lecture hall. As the events unfold, only one group will be raped. Probability of being asked to present gets halved to one-tenth! It is now that Pavani (not in our group) bets that we would be the group. We're pretty sure - hell, more than sure, we're convinced - that we're safe. The bet is accepted. We pity Pavani. Brave girl, naive girl!

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." - The Alchemist.

---

Our group is numbered 9. Over to Sengo and his classic theory of randomization by tossing a seemingly unbiased coin.

Heads : Groups 2,4,6,8,10 ; Tails : Groups 1,3,5,7,9

Tails it is. We're still 80% safe.

Heads : 1,3 ; Tails : 5,7,9

Tails it is. We're 60% safe. I'm convinced. I'm watching an episode of "The Three Stooges" on my laptop. Pavani's ecstatic. Alok's heartbeat shows a bullish trend.

Heads : 5 ; Tails : 7,9

Tails it is for the third time in a row.

The big moment. I turn off my laptop. Its any one's game.

---

"If anything can possibly go wrong, it will." - Murphy's Law.

Sengo does a somersault by reversing the order. Tails : 7 ; Heads : 9. Now I'm convinced we're secured. I love you Sengo.

The coin is tossed. There's a pin-drop silence. The flight of the coin is closely followed by the class from the moment it makes a snapping noise of Shubham's thumbnail hitting it till it takes a lifetime and Shubham announces...

"Heads!"

FUCK!!!

Gango na karey Sengo Ne Woh Kaam Kiya Hai!

Yet another quiz, yet another fuck-up!

But I wasn't the only one who got screwed up in the Basic Financial Accounting quiz today. The trick that the charismatic Prof. Sabyasachi Sengupta pulled out of his hat caught one and all with our pants down, a qualified C.A., C.S. included.

Sengo, as he is fondly known, is vastly admired for his unparalleled laid back style. He rides a Rajdoot, smokes Navy Cut, takes classes at 6 in the eve, wears oversized shirts over the baggy-pants n worn out slippers. He is the only professor here at XL who doesn't give a flying squirrel's ass to projects, assignments, or class participation. Yet he commands proficiency in all the three from the entire batch. He's totally against the hectic life of the XLers and does his bit by giving workable, though conceptual, quizzes. Sadism is not his cup of tea.

But BFA quiz dated August 24 was different and how!

Panic all around; these were few of the status messages that adorned gtalk :

Vinayak Mehta : Et tu, Sengo!
Aditi Shukla : Last rays of hope are gone.
Vidisha Vijay : From one disaster to another
Avinash Mehra : BFA is BewaFA
Marshal Sonavane : Phir BewaFAi
Meet Kachchy : CFA to pass ho gaya, BFA ka pata nahi!
Sandeep Somisetty : 2 out of 30 in bfa quiz 2..now 30 on 45 needed..tuffer than eco now..
Shifa Shalini Tirkey : helpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
Abha Inamdar : Even Ganpati Bappa has given up on me
Abha Inamdar : Ay kaash ki hum hosh mein aa paaye!
Shubham Singhal : I see a distant C,,which i cannot cross coz I dont know how to swim
Ruchika Sinha : Passing accounting suddenly has begun to look like a herculean task !!!
Pathikrit Basu : The Horror!! The horror!!
Rajkamal Roka : screwed up ...top to bottom
Sakyabrata Dutta : BFA is fast approaching the point of no recovery.
Varun Gupta : Gango na karey Sengo Ne Woh Kaam Kiya Hai!

We're fucked!

Miles To Go And Yet I Sleep!

18th August 2009.

66 days into the expedition that got off the mark with an ecstatic "Yay!" on learning that I had got a single-seater room, we were in for some serious carsickness. Three quizzes on the same day : QT, OB and MM.

A quick sneak-peak at some of the visually unsettling status messages on Gtalk that day :

Aditi Shukla : Teen Tigada Kaam Bigada
Sandeep Somisetty : 3 quizzes in a day...I'm immune now bring it on!
Rishabh Chindalia : Getting screwed the big way...3 quizzes in a day.
Avinash Mehra : Ab toh aadat si hai mujhko Gang(o) Rape ki.
Shifa Shalini Tirkey : No Place to Run :(
Sowmya Srinivasan : To hell with everything!
Shubham Singhal : Sarfaroshi Ki Tamanna Ab Hamare Dil Mein Hai
Shubham Singhal : Jab Sheher Hamara Sota Hai...
Sakyabrata Dutta : Fire @ Ass
Sakyabrata Dutta : Don't even ask!
Veenu Singla : Nights are long!

The status of an intellectually challenged and neurally inept duo read :

Sayan Majumder : Mauja Hi Mauja
Rajkamal Roka : Kya Baat Hai...Maza Aa Gaya :P

The first on the roll was QT at 11am. Bombed! Three questions, Three unknowns. Insult adds to injury when :

Gango : "Howz the paper, Varun?" [I had scored 19 and 23 in the last two 30-markers]
Me : "Ummm...tough"
Gango (with a wicked smile making a ":P" in his mind) : "UMMMMM...TOUGH."

Second, or so I thought, was OB at 5pm. Unsuccessfully attempting to cram the colossus of the syllabus in a couple of hours, I got ready and got out for the quiz. The hostel wing was uncharacteristically silent. Comprehending this to be their punctuality induced reaching-before-time crap, I was on my way when I met Marshall and Avinash returning.

The MM quiz was at 4!

I've scored ducks. I have the shortest attendance in the batch. I've been forbidden to enter the lecture hall n number of times. And now, I've missed quizzes. I've done everything!! Yay, again!