Lucky Bastards

Disclaimer: Meant to offend. Go screw yourself.

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I don't think of females as the inferior species. I think they're just dumb.

It's not their fault, really. They're just wired this way. It thus becomes our duty to accept them as they are, always making them feel they're "special". Poor souls - misconstruing pity for chivalry.

Anyway, this post is not about them. Quite contrarily, it's about us. \m/

Here's why we were lucky to be born with a wee-wee and the wisdom chromosome.

• We don't have to guzzle down liquids we can't even afford to smell, sport hairstyles that make us look like buffoons and play sports we don't even understand to be"cool".
• We don't have to spend one-third of our lives looking at our own reflections in the mirror. We recognize ourselves way sooner.
• We don't have to shave more than one-twentieth of our body.
• There is no concept of "tomgirls". We are happy with what we are.
• We can afford our underwear.
• We buy shoes we wear more than once.
• Cockroaches are scared of us.
• We understand music.
• We don't wear t-shirts with quotes at exactly the places we don't like people to stare at.
• We aren't hypocrites. We accept that we think about sex all the time.
• We don't substitute sex with chocolates!!!!
• We think chocolates are sweet brown confectionery. NOTHING ELSE!!!
• We don't eat more than our dietitian recommended when we're depressed.
• We don't have a dietician.
• We are never depressed!!!
• We don't have to harp on about our right to equality to settle down for a "33% reservation".
• We don't need a "beauty sleep". We sleep when we want, where we want and how we want.
• We don't believe in keeping wastes in our body. The world is our urinal.
• We don't care if our best friends forget our birthdays. We wonder if they don't.
• Our clothes are comfortable. We can stretch, bend and run in them.
• We aren't destroyed if someone else wears the same outfit at a party.
• We don't appear in advertisements of products for the opposite sex.
• We can wear whatever we want to a water park. (if clothing's a compulsion)
• We choose "just the right gifts" in 58 seconds straight.
• We don't fake accents.
• We don't use creams for everything from fairness to "enhancement".
• We don't stuff our clothes to look "big".
• We know stuff about the Italian Mob.
• We know the difference between a USB and a URL.
• While fixing a bulb, we don't have to stop and think which way to turn.
• We don't have to seduce our bosses for a promotion.
• Our clothes are never wrinkled. At least to us.
• We know no one cares about the fingernails.
• People look into our eyes when we talk.
• We can afford to wait for year-end sale schemes.
• Our phone bills are minuscule.
• We don't know what peach, burgundy and magenta mean. We don't care.
• We find beauty in everything. And everyone.
• Our shampoos don't nauseate us.
• When we take more than five minutes to take a bath, we're having fun.

We don't think we rule the world. We would rather prefer beer, porn and someone to clear the mess we leave behind.

P.S. Contribution from a fellow lucky bastard Sakya: We know if we're oversized. We don't ask rhetorical questions like "Do I look fat."