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Saturday, July 24, 2010

I'm Sorry

The last post raised a lot of eyeballs. There was flak from all quarters. The dumber sex got all trigger happy, threatening of dire consequences if I didn't take down that post. Damn, this world of VHP, Raj Thackeray and women!!

I somehow got their tempers in control by promising an apology to the womenfolk worldwide. Here it goes.
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I'm sorry.

I'm sorry because I didn't realize that you didn't have the intellect enough to understand the disclaimer. Although you decided to read further at your own wish and peril, just like you always decide to choose the wrong prick as your guy knowing everything about him, I should have taken more care. You obviously didn't choose to be eternally retarded. It was forced upon you.

I'm sorry because I called a spade, a spade. I wasn't as politically correct as you always are. I didn't appreciate you for my vested interests. I didn't disguise intentions in puffery and seduction as you always do. It was honesty, a concept as alien to you as USBs and URLs.

In fact, while I'm on it, I just realized I'm sorry for a few other things as well.
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I'm sorry about how you must feel when you think about how big a curse you've been on man-kind. From Troy to the epics of Ramayana and Mahabharata, you've been the reason of betrayal and bloodshed. Closer home, you are the reason behind 89.97% of the scuffles at school and you don't even know that.

I'm sorry that you suck at mathematics. Numbers make you dyslexic and pukish. Logic and reason elude your pea sized brains as well. I sometimes cry at nights, thinking about how unfair must this world seem to you: a world of walking supercomputers - males! Hang in there. God must have alternate plans for you: like a sex change operation.

I'm sorry that you are attracted to men seven point five times your age. Or probably, it's just fashionable. Or, for that matter, it's something like Lyin' Eyes. Whatever it is, I'm sorry that it's the only way you can drive a Ferrari while you still have baby teeth.

I'm sorry that the only way you can get a ticket is by cutting the queue.

I'm sorry that the only way you can win beauty pageants among similarly challenged species is by being exemplarily dumb. [link1] [link2]

I'm sorry that the only way you can finish assignments is by acting dumber than you already are and letting some big-hearted guy help you in pity.

I'm sorry there's a wiki how page dedicated to you that reads "How To Act Like A Dumb Girl" [link]

Enough. I'll let this do the talking. [lyrics] [video]

Do you want more or I'm sorry enough already??

69 comments:

  1. I thought the last was a classic, but this one's even better!!!!

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  2. You never know, You might get lucky, wat with the fairer sex's incapacity to decipher sarcasm, reading this entry they might just accept your apologies and make peace :P

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  3. @ Vimarsh: :D It was a sincere apology, man!

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  4. Well I'll be damned.
    Appreciate the sarcasm \m/
    Here's me hoping that my sisters wake up.

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  5. @ Ishita: Yeah, let's hope they do! Wake up, kids!

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  6. I seriously wonder why people find it necessary to argue about what a blogger says. Folks, respect it as the writer's opinion, no matter how flawed you think it is. Just because YOU think he's wrong doesn't mean you go spewing vitriol at him. (In fact, I think people who react/overreact are taking the comments made personally. They should. :P )

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  7. oh come on, it's not true for all girls! though i second Ishita and appreciate the sarcasm...
    the links to the videos were hilarious. lol
    and i have no words for the wiki how page. meh.
    oh, and i'm blonde - that song at the end is truly dumb. ugh!!

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  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  9. why dont u mind ur own business
    1) no mind
    2) no business

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. @ Sumit: Hail bloggers' union! IR isi din ke liye padha tha na, boss!! Jokes apart, it's kinda funny when people react. no doubt they find their bits and peices being insulted. :D

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  12. @ Mehak: Obviously, there are exceptions everywhere though I'm yet to come across any!! :P

    Thanks!! Must have been difficult, those blonde jokes!! And regarding the song, go sue the lady who wrote it!! :D

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  13. U rock bhai ! Superb Post ! Even better than the last one.

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  14. (: thanks bhai!! Glad it worked!

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  15. jala dia mita dia bujha dia...rock on...

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  16. Demeaning to the entire creed of women and I was laughing. Where went the feminism inside of me?

    Your posts can have effects on people. Hilarious outlinks.

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  17. Against us or for us... I just enjoy every post here. And I'm honest :)

    Link 1 was funny... she kind of looked like Kartina :D

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  18. What's with you Mango? She dumped you eh? Hurts real bad!!

    Don't worry, you'll find someone "bigger" and better. And it's ok to cry.

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  19. @ Abhishek: I hope I really have!! :D

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  20. @ Nilanjana: That's an honest comment!! Loved it!!

    Thanks a lot! (:

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  21. @ the chinese friends: whatever you say makes tremendous sense. carry on. you're special!!

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  22. @ Dipa: I know, re! And I appreciate it as always!!

    Thanks! (:

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  23. @ Purba: Awwww!!!

    I swear I've never had more sadistic pleasure than what I had on reading your comment. The post really got on your nerves, didn't it!! Lovin' it!

    By the way, however bad you wish, no, she, whoever you're referring to, didnt dump me. Rather, no one ever did!! Sorry!!

    And I honestly didn't understand the use of quotation marks on "bigger". Was it pun? Was it sarcasm? Where's the wit honey?? You sure can mock me better than that. Oh shit, I forgot. Your species.

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  24. USB and URL huh? u must be joking! Say that to the millions of female IT professionals! I'm sure what made u write this is...at one point of time u dint know the difference! And u brilliantly used that on women...cool dude u are ! Way to go with the ladieees...!
    Though we might have been the reason behind war outbreaks...but u guys were foolish 2 fight over the 'dumber sex' as u call it!!!
    Anyways...its disastrously hilarious.

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  25. @ Anita: You wish!! Anyway, no point arguing when you're 'sure'!

    That we are, I admit! The one time when we go dumber than even you is when we're after you. Probably evolution will teach us better in time to come!

    Kaisa bhi hilarious tha, tha na! Bas!! (: (:

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  26. "The real test of democracy is the creation of equality of opportunity for the hitherto DEPRIVED sections of society."...yes deprived they are...and these harbingers of chaos,confusion and disaster will be getting a 33% reservation(why do they need this if their claims of being intelligent is true)....
    a funny read man..sarcastically truth revealing... :D

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  27. @ Jai: Thanks bhai!! Seriously, ek taraf women liberation and right to equality k shouts aur doosri taraf quota!! Hypocrisy, as always!

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  28. @vkg.....it seems a war has been declared against the dumber sex, and seriously, you forgot to mention about time consumed in make-up. Its like.....please take a gOOd luck at me, no one cares otherwise.

    and to be more offensive, I can help if u like.

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  29. dont steal ideas from my comment

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  30. guys are dumb only wen they r chasing girls .. n dat comprises almost 99.7% of their lifespan

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  31. @ nikhil: :D it sure is a war! good one! you can always be of help, man!!

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  32. @ devil: which idea??? and a liiiitle bit high on the stats, dun u think?

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  33. the links were super cool... hilarious comparisons as well... but do u seriously hold such a generalized point of view!!! I am sorry for you then!!

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  34. @ Being Alive: :) Yaar come on, exaggeration is fun. itna nahi sochtey!

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  35. Dude simpy offensive.... maja aa gaya.. n loved dose two dumb peasant video :)

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  36. .....and the battle continues!! :D :D

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  37. u said -must have been difficult,
    those blonde jokes!!
    if u meant something other than the sense of - y r blonde jokes single liners..so dat men can understand them. then i misinterpreted. else chor!
    n d actual stats is 99.97%

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  38. acha baba, maan gaya!! nariyon se jeeta nahi jaata, naariyon ko jeeta jata hai!!

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  39. truly, i luv wat u write. i myt not say it often, but u really write something.
    i read ur posts over n over again.
    wen i hav nothing to do i read ur blogs.
    u r d best.

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  40. @ devil: aji humein bhi toh zinda rehna hai, aapke saamne kya majal hamari??

    seedhe seedhe boliye kaam kya hai??

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  41. awesum real awesum one once again..infact everything else i could think of is already there :( .....!!!...

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  42. @ chinese friend: neil armstrong sucked big time!

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  43. @ Raj: Thanks, man! koi nahi udaas nahi hotey. kuch aur soch aur apne blog pe daal. trust me, there's lots.

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  44. Ha ha. Total rape. Majedar. What links!

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  45. This post didn't annoy me actually. This sounds like a typical guy rant on women when he isn't getting any. Haha...

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  46. i LOVED it. Where on earth do you find these links???????

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  47. Thanks, Sapna (: Links are not found, they are just stumbled upon and remembered/bookmarked for life!

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  48. Kab tak attack karte rahoge unpar. Humorous, witty, sarcastic.

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  49. Ha, this is what you get when you police an unsocial element like the mangoman.

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  50. @ Shyam sir: Jab tak hai jaan, jaan-e-jahan!

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  51. @ Prajakta: Exactly! Kab samjhengi bechari!

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  52. hehe well retaliated against the naysayers to your wit. links as you know were awesome. riot.

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  53. ab kya karein, jawaab toh dena padta hai!!

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  54. Who still wants to mess up with the crazy.

    Hats off and out!

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  55. :D Let's see. Ab toh aap bhi waapas aa gaye!

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  56. I haven't yet followed the links, owing to my sucking net. The post was a riot in itself...

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  57. Do follow them sometime. You won't be disappointed. Thanks (:

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