Wednesday, May 19, 2010

One

The rustle of the leaves was excruciating. The pitter-patter of the rain drops on the asbestos could drive him crazy. The wind had been blowing for far too long. It had to stop now. He held the stainless steel blade in his right hand and brought it near the left wrist for the fourth time. Somehow, he could not gather the courage to go through with it.

He had stayed there - motionless - staring at her brutally violated body. She was pregnant of four months with his child. They had all raped her in turns, laughing and moaning like maniacs from hell. She kept on begging for mercy, bleeding like a leaking tap. They had then stabbed her at all possibly painful places with a butcher's knife and then slit her throat. All in front of his eyes. His limbs were tied disabling any possible motion. Honour killing couldn't have been more dishonourable. How could he live with himself without avenging the trauma? Next Panchayat session, he shot all the six bastards dead.

This wasn't the world he had lived in. This wasn't the world he knew. It had moved ahead. He hadn't. Twenty-four years in the Central Jail had made him everything but someone who could adjust to this new world from a sci-fi movie.

The first night. It was a 'room' for four. The lights went out. The biggest of the three roomies took a three-feet pipe out of his bedding and hit him in the jaws. It was physically the most painful thing he had ever experienced. Still gasping with disbelief on being caught off guard like this, he couldn't think of anything while the fatso kept on hitting him on the teeth. Not to beat him to death. But only because they could have him go on for all-nighters without the fear of his biting their penises away. And he did go on for nights, performing his duties, both ways, for months.

The text above is the first in the series of steps of an experiment. Kindly excuse the randomness, absurdity and abruptness of the same and comment only on the picturesqueness/style/connect/narration. Consider it as a big help that you'd do to me in an auctorial endeavour of mine in the very near future.

41 comments:

  1. I couldn't read anything. All I saw, was a movie, slide by slide, forming in my mind. The agony of a lover, the panchayat's institutionalised honour killing, the malefaction in jail, all of it, expressed with terse. I hope you write a novel in near future.

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  2. That's heartening and humbling at the same time! Thanks a ton! All I can say right now is that it is very much possible! (:

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  3. Good narration..but I just couldn't read after the 2nd para..there's so much pain!:(

    But if it is getting published,I want a autographed hardcopy and I will read the whole book :)

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  4. Really waiting for ur novel. c'on go ahead man.
    Nice post, as expected !

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  5. what ae u doing at XLRI??? u should have become a topshot writer by now!!
    Really thought provoking stuff!! waiting for more ...

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  6. Wonderfully narrated... But a little too graphic for me...Some parts made me cringe...Which off course means that you probably excelled in getting your point across!
    *Shivers* :|

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  7. The narration was fucking awesome, dude! So well written. Didn't know that side of yours! :)

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  8. hey thanks for feeling the pain :P mission accomplished!
    fingers crossed...its a long way to go from here...i've just taken the first step!!

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  9. @ Mukesh: Thanks man, fingers crossed!

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  10. @ Being Alive: At Xl...err..blogging!! Wonderful words..always nice to read...thanks (: (:

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  11. @ Choco: Well, exactly! I didnt expect this response. I actually changed my style of writing to give it a more novel-ish touch..hope it went down fine enuff...thanks for shivering :D

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  12. @ Virgin author: Thanks man (: Even I didn't...its just an exploration..lets c hw it works out!!

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  13. Buntyji,
    This is a frighteningly awesome piece. My hairs still stand on end. Add me to the mailing list of autographed hardcopies.

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  14. ahhh... scary... hard truth... revenge should be only motive

    brilliant article dude... bow from me

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  15. i didnt get dis post in my reading list at all....i saw it rite now...
    awesum!!!!!!
    it was so painful and agonizing man!
    i agree wid d oders...u need to write a novel....il be in d waitin list 4 autographed copy too....

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  16. @ Ishitaji: Coming from the chronicler herself, it means a lot! Thanks for getting engrossed! (:

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  17. @ Jitsy: Yeah, there have been some technical problems with this post. I couldn't see it myself a few minutes back!!!

    Thanks for all the kind words! (:

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  18. Bro, I believe you are doing the right thing experimenting with various genres. You'll rock at fiction. Keep giving it shots.

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  19. Cringe, cringe, cringe.

    Bravo. You've got to think seriously towards serious writing.

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  20. It was like a Shekhar Kapur/Shyam Benegal/Jagmohan Mundhra movie. Sach mein it is not easy to create images with words. And you know how to do that. I would give at a 9/10.

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  21. already waiting for next one in series...great stuff :)

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  22. Bhai ab sab bol rahe hain toh likhai ki dukan khol hi do. I loved the graphics :P

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  23. First para - pure classic. pain in the most soothing things in the world.
    Second para - brutal. graphic. little more than what could have also worked.
    Third para - reminded me of Shawshank Redemption.
    Fourth Para - Well, goosebumps!

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  24. @ Abhishek: I'm trying, man! Lets see how far I go!

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  25. @ Sapna: Glad it could bring that effect! I guess!

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  26. @ Prajakta: That's saying a lot. Felt super nice! Thanks! (:

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  27. @ BI: That might take some time. I posted this to get a feel of how the new style of writing turns out to be! Thanks for the appreciation!

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  28. @ Akshhar: Haan bhai, kyun nahi! Graphics toh pasand aayengi hi! Idiot!

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  29. @ Gurdit: Thanks man! I love the way you comment! And I love the way you appreciate, 'balls out'! Hope the experiment works! Need help with that!

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  30. @ Nilanjana: Woah! Woah! thats a blog review! Shawshank redemption is one of the inspirations behind the theme. but when the story unfurls, its vastly different! thanks a lawt! (:

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  31. Masterpiece. Keep it flowing, man. You've got it in you. Nice read.

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  32. Well it was just an attempt. Nice that you liked! (:

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  33. This one is totally my kind of post. Very graphical and exhilerating.

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  34. Dude....I read your 10-11 blogs in a row.....You know you've got alchemy in your hands......The way you started story...I din thought of fiction any time...It was so real !! You are smoother than Johney Walker...and fierce than KF strong !! Thumbs Up for your novel....

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  35. Smoothness with kicks..try Tuborg or Aristoff (vodka enthuz only)!

    Thanks, man! I'm not sure I can go through with it but such awesome feedback goes a long way!! (:

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  36. So bloody vivid and realistic, felt like watching images. Very picturesque writing, Varun.

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