Khalish hai ragon mein, chubhan si badi hai
Ye jaam koi hataa lo yahan se
Na ho jaaye paagal ye gumnaam kaafir
Tasveer unki hataa lo yahan se
Tazeer si hai ye goshanasheeni
Deedar hota hai unka yahan se
Dum-e-waapasi ko toh aana nahi hai
Janaaza hamara nikalo yahan se
[khalish: pain | chubhan: pain | ragon: nerves | jaam: intoxication | gumnaam: lost/unknown | kaafir: unbeliever | tasveer: picture | tazeer: punishment | goshanasheeni: being in the corner | deedar: view | dum-e-waapasi: the last breath | janaaza: funeral]
Ye jaam koi hataa lo yahan se
Na ho jaaye paagal ye gumnaam kaafir
Tasveer unki hataa lo yahan se
Tazeer si hai ye goshanasheeni
Deedar hota hai unka yahan se
Dum-e-waapasi ko toh aana nahi hai
Janaaza hamara nikalo yahan se
[khalish: pain | chubhan: pain | ragon: nerves | jaam: intoxication | gumnaam: lost/unknown | kaafir: unbeliever | tasveer: picture | tazeer: punishment | goshanasheeni: being in the corner | deedar: view | dum-e-waapasi: the last breath | janaaza: funeral]
agressive premi :)
ReplyDelete?
ReplyDeleteo bhai, kya chiz thi ye? I am having goosebumps. Urdu at its best and masterpiece in the literal sense. The corner bit was my favourite if i interpret it right. And if I don't interpret it right, it's even better as you say finding newer dimensions. Kabilaytarif.
ReplyDeleteBut still I am getting afeeling that this may get lost on a lot of people who might not make the effort to read through all the meanings. A better way could be putting the meanings of the words contained in every couplet below it. your wish :-)
ReplyDelete@ Shahenshah: Hey thats extremely humbling (: Exactly. I believe writing is all about creating as many dimensions as you can within the same boundary you've got. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteYes, I had thought of that but that might have hampered the flow of the couplets. Thanks for the suggestion anyway (:
Well said, dude. kuch lika aur usme mayne hi nahi to lika kya? You are right. It would have stopped the flow. Wase bhi aap sabko thodi na target kar rahe hoge.
ReplyDelete(: Ummm, apna product toh cdma spectrum ki tarah hai sirji, jiske paas walsh code hai, wo use karey spectrum. dunno if u got the metaphor :P
ReplyDeletepata nhi qa hua??!!but I got goose flesh!!
ReplyDeletealtho I didnt understand da 5th line to be honest:(
But something stirred within..."straight from the heart,straight to the heart"
Well who understand ketchup song? Its the feel that matters. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteFifth line literally means something like: i've thrown into the corner of loneliness and i can see you from here which is a punishment in itself as i cant endure it anymore.
hope it helped.
yups!! it sure did!!
ReplyDeleteGlad! (:
ReplyDeletebeautifully written..
ReplyDeleteconveys a lawt..
last line hurts..
Thank you, ji! (: (:
ReplyDeletewas meant to, actually!
Kaabile Taarif Sarkar !
ReplyDeletemeanings in the end relli helped.....u forgot kaafir though...it was agressive and horny...m not much of a urdu fan but it still reached out to me somehow....good wrk....
ReplyDelete@ Mukesh: Shukriya bhaijaan!
ReplyDelete@ Jitsy: Hey thanks, missed it somehow! Well, i'll take it as a compliment. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteSee, that is the beauty of this piece everyone is talking. Even I am not oo much into Urdu, or hindi also. but the way these couplets are written and the meanings (that helped) take the reader to a different plane of understanding.
ReplyDeleteI loved every bit of it and even imagined our protagonist in the bar saying all this. Bravo.
One more thing I love about this post in particular and your writing in general is that you convey a lot in a few lines by playing with words. The first four lines conveyeed what kind of person is he and what is the situation and what he is going throughout and a lot. very good.
ReplyDelete@ Nilanjana: That's the amount of trust you guys have in my writing that you guys actually make efforts to try and understand what I'm talking about. If it was some random urdu couplet across the net, not many of my readers would have appreciated the beauty. Thanks a lot for this kind of trust. Means a lot! (:
ReplyDelete@ Shahehshah: Well, that's really nice if you like that. Some might complain of disproportionate information or undue stress. Some like you might seem to like it. Thank you! (:
ReplyDeleteUndue stress mean undue emphasis? Because I also felt that 'gumnaam kaafir' had undue emphasis when i read it first. but then i felt that it was necessary to create the mood and it was good at the end. wit went wel with the last coupet too.
ReplyDeleteWell strictly speaking you could complain of that. But I believe I would have done it for two reasons: One, it serves as a backdrop or the theme of his character and two, it has some bit, some minuscule bit of my personal experience into it (though hugely unrelated to the main theme) and I would have wanted to bring this forward while writing the secong couplet. As a matter of fact, it was the first couplet when I wrote it first. Might be I wanted to take it forward with the kaafir thing. But it took some entirely different shape. (:
ReplyDeletepersonal experience, hmmm..sad..
ReplyDeletesue whoever made such a sweet, romantic, mushy person go thru this..
keep smiling dear..
n plz start writing happy posts..:)..(:
aint that sad actually! she wsnt at fault. i just took the creative licence from the situation that wasnt this bad! I do, rey! The last one for example!
ReplyDeleteratio of happy to sad is still less
ReplyDeletethat is because creative juices flow better with pain, simple!!
ReplyDeletetrue..but sad..
ReplyDeletesad, but true!
ReplyDeletejaam pi ke tasveer se jo deedar karte aap unka to janazza na nikalta aapka yahan se....hey gumnaam kafir bas itna hai mera kehna...
ReplyDeletejust tried a guftgu...
u should really write romantic urdu stories..i m damn sure it will rock
sahi ja rahe ho raj miyan (: shukriya! par itni urdu nahi aati na ki kahaniyan likh sakein!!
ReplyDeleteBhai hindi se kya taklif hai? ghuma fira ke likhte ho? :P jokes apart, pele parha o samaj nai aya fir meanings parhi tab laga kya likha hai. dard ki awaz mangomanbunty..
ReplyDeleteThanks, bro!
ReplyDeletei liked it!!!....touching n evoking..
ReplyDeleteI like your liking it (: (: Thanks!
ReplyDeletena paaya hai kisine wo chain, bhale hi hata do wo yaad-e-mohabbat
ReplyDeleteDil se hat jaaye kabhi wo tasveer...to hogi kabhi na ehsaason ki garmahat
Ghamo ko sametna agar kaafir ke bas ki hoti...
janaza bhi na kar paata wo izhaar-e-kulbulahat
(i aint good wid urdu...i aint good wid poetry...just random expression of wat I felt after reading this..
Kulbulahat for me meant the feelings which crosses the mind..heart..and doesnt let u sleep or rest!)
waah! kabil-e-tareef mahotaram!
ReplyDeleteTruly heartfelt..liked it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the meanings at d end..actually could understand(feel) most of it.
And we need a happy post soon :)
hey thanks! at least my blog is helping you in your hindi-urdu mission!! ;)
ReplyDeleteya very soon!!
Dhanyavaad! (I seriously doubt if what I meant was reflected in those words..)
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDeleteI could feel the couplets flow with the blood in my veins. the picture was so real. very nice.
ReplyDeletethe comment itself was surreal!! tnx! (:
ReplyDeleteJanaab ye tasvir wali mallika kaun hain? mush wali post k bad aisi post..saare zayke milte hain yahann. one of my favourite blogs.
ReplyDeleteThe best part was that every couplet is a complete sher in itself. A masterly work.
ReplyDeleteThat's life, innit? Flavours of all kinds?? Thanks a lot! And yes, the couplets were intentionally complete in themselves and if you pay attention, they can be assigned totally different dimensions in isolation (:
ReplyDeletey dint i find nething agressive in dis? i found it hurtful rather.. not at all agressive..
ReplyDeleteWell, that's the perspective! The protagonist is so hurt and down that he doesnt want to c her face but rather die to end up all the miseries!
ReplyDeleteouch!! :(
ReplyDeleteshock lagaa lagaa lagaa, shock lagaa!
ReplyDeleteBahi thank u for the meanings. I could actually appreciate Urdu as well. :) Acha tha. especially the first couple of lines.
ReplyDeleteBahot umda. You are getting a hang of Urdu, Varun. In the process, you are creating some very influencing work.
ReplyDelete@ SFS: Thanks for the appreciation, man! (:
ReplyDelete@ Shyam Sir: Well, that's nice to hear! (: Thank you!
ReplyDeleteReading this after erection (I mean, after the erection post :P] was surreal. Classy urdu, classy poetry. Very touching. Dil phir jit liya bhaii...
ReplyDeleteShukriya bhai!!
ReplyDeleteUrdu subhan allah. Bakhoobi se utara hai kaagaj pe dard ko.
ReplyDeletecheers :-)
Shukriya. Cheers!
ReplyDelete