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Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Disclaimer: If you smell sexism, trust me, you are a hardcore sexist by heart. Kindly get your egos shrunk, minds broadened, maturity upped and irritabilities switched off. Freedom of expression is what I was born with.


They say science can explain everything – from falling apples to shining trails of light in the sky. But lately I have been bewildered by some of the greatest wonders of the world. The phenomena I’m talking about are not new at all. In fact, as impossible as it might sound, they date older than Shit-Rukh Khan. These have been an integral part of our daily lives, intertwined in such a manner that we no more marvel at their subtle existence.

These are some of the greatest mysteries. Unnoticed. Untalked about. Unsolved. But ultimately baffling.

One. I hear the fairer sex is sick of the better sex staring at their so-called assets in full daylight. If caught in the process, the “starer” from the curious sex is given so cold, mean and snobbish looks by the “staree” from the presumptuous sex that the former from the victimized sex has no option left but to un-stare. But would anyone care to explain why would the dumber sex adorn the pre-mentioned assets with t-shirts that sport a. catchy quotes b. crazy fonts c. flashy colours d. all of the above and beg for attention?

Two. Our action hero is waiting impatiently for her girl on their date on the thirty-second floor of a Rajasthani fort in Mumbai. He has the glow of fresh blood sucked out (khoon pee jaunga!) from the one-eyed villain who murdered his father in the last century. Back home he has a younger sister knitting on a wheelchair and a mother dieing on a shabby bed. And the heroine arrives. In no more than five minutes, we find the couple singing duets and dancing acrobatically!!! My common sense fails me everytime I try to find logic behind Bollywood couples “dancing” on dates. What’s this fetish? I mean, there are a million things to do (by the doer sex) or talk (by the talker sex). But why, of all the things, sing and dance?

Three. If that’s not all, the amazingly secluded terrace suddenly gets crowded by twenty people dancing behind the two (strictly equal number of males and females dancing in pairs as if it’s a group-date). I wonder who first thought of this masterstroke of placing uncles and aunties behind our couple on their date!! “Dance, India, Dance”!!

Four. Ever wondered when you accidentally enter the ladies’ section while ambling around in a shopping mall and some ladies’ tees catch your fancy? Almost all the quotes are always full of pseudo-attitude and inexplicable airs around them. Have you ever seen a guy sporting “Here comes trouble” or “I will date everyone but not you”. No. I mean, what’s with this show of unwarranted air? What exactly does the show-off sex want to show off? If you are your “dad’s bad girl”, be. Why do you have to stick in our faces? I’m sorry, babe, but if your t-shirt says more than you can pull off about how independent and obsessed-with-freedom you are, you are no better than Paulomi 2.0 from MTV Roadies 6.0!!!

Five. Another huge mystery is how some of the people from the inexplicable sex turn total sluts post-breakups. Swearing by their guys’ names when in a relationship, how can they find comfort in every damn pair of arms that comes their way? Apologies if all this hurts you, but all I can understand is that you were always a hippie by heart smothered by a relationship, the end of which not only provides you with sympathies from all quarters but an all-encompassing license to flirt. Why did you pretend to be in a sincere relationship, then? I feel happy for the guy who broke up with you.

There are a few more like:

· Why didn’t mythological characters have surnames back then (ala raVun Gupta)?
· Why does a doctor’s handwriting always suck?
· Why is the class name always written in Roman numerals on the classroom door? (IV ‘C’)
· Why don’t people remove air travel tags from their luggage?
· Why don’t we hear songs like “Thaade rahiyo, o baankey yaar” or “Na na kartey pyar tumhi se kar baithe” anywhere else but while playing the Indian game of Antakshari?
· Why doesn’t anyone else smell foreign hands of Cadbury-Kraft in the weakening of Indian economy when a one-rupee coin is replaced by an éclairs candy pan-India?
· How on earth did Shit-Rukh become an actor?!!??!!
· What is the purpose of KKR’s existence except merchandise-selling?
· Why do you go through all this shit on my blog?

You are welcome onboard if you are either of James Bond, Indiana Jones or ACP Pradyuman. The mysteries are unending. The answers I want. Feel free to take a shot in the space provided below.


  1. boss... u despise SRK...
    even dont leave the poor (ok, not so poor) soul in an unrelated topic... :P

  2. as for the last question, I personally don't have a better work to do right now :D

  3. i am going to solve some of the mysteries that u have never been able to understand.
    one- the starer sex will anyway continue staring so the staree sex thought it better to be in an illusion that its the t-shirt that is being stared and nothing else.
    two-no answers.
    three-the actor is bad at dancing.he shudn't feel the dancers behind him. and these dancers refuse to dance without a partner so the dancers behind the actress. and so equal numbers.
    five-wen guys are in luv they swear they wont smoke and drink and after a breakup they completely turn into dev-d-asses.gurls have better things to do than to waste their lungs and livers.
    #docs dun remember the spellings of the prescribed medicines and to hide this, they write in an unreadable handwriting.
    #ppl dun hav so much of tym to remove their travel tags..everyone dusnt hav as much tym as u hav.
    #u say more in ur blog than a two hour long conversation where i have to do all d talking. so i read ur blog. dun know about the others.

  4. @ vj: yes i do :P and make the most of this ti,e by reading more posts on my blog :D

  5. @ Devil: The feminist wakes up to defend her breed!1 :D :D

  6. defend!! not needed. i was trying to unmuddle ur muddled brain. u shud say thanx.

  7. n one more reason i read ur blogs..if i dont i get some msgs which sound more like blackmail n less like request..

  8. @ Devil: Just check out the way you're using "We" rather than "they". Defend your breed!

    And Should I request?? Shame!!!

  9. @vkg sir i am not little devil, i m indian version bond 007 so hav till date found answer of one question the last one n d reason s i luv d extra dimension that u add in ur blog....
    n ya we all know the dumbest sex is the dumbest though its fairer makes them somehow in-demand sex.....
    wat to say abt hindi fimi masala i watch all bollywood shit n alwaiz find mr beans better than thatl

  10. read it all over again..i havent used a "we" even once. u really got something against girls!!

  11. if not request atleast dun blackmail.

  12. Lemme try to answer a few..
    *They didn't have surnames bcoz they had enuf other names.. :D
    *Doc's do it on purpose,so tat patients don't copy it :P
    *Roman numerals bcoz its basically symbol and easy to understand..
    *Air tags..hmm it looks cute like a keychain no??

    *Still thinking :D
    *Just love to read them.Honest! :)

  13. @ raj: lol about mr. beans. Thanks for all the appreciation (:

  14. arre i meant the feeling of unity symbolised by "we" :P

  15. karunga blackmail, jo chaahe kar le!!!

  16. @ Dipa: nice attempt! mysteries still not completely solved! Thanks! (:

  17. i dont even get a "nice attempt" huh!! i m never gonna answer ne of ur s2pid silly questions again!

  18. I wud lyk to giv it a shot...
    1)I guess it was predecided(dey were gods fr god sake!!dey knew every thing!)dat ppl wud be named after them thousands of years later(well,ok, if not ravan,then surely ram,shyam,etc,etc),so they left out da surnames to avoid confusions later.
    2)giv dem a break!!dey work dere asses off for so mny yrs to bcm docs...we cn allow dem bad handwriting at least
    3)its simply to make mathes luk important:P
    4)well, dat just makes identifying ur luggage on da conveyor belt easier:O
    or may be, it just gives a feel of personalising ur stuff lyk a tattoo thing...hah(ok,dat was crap)!
    5)...tell me truly....u rly want to hear dem more often??!!!!!:O
    6)ooo!!! dis ones interesting...but who cares(altho we sud)...dey r tasty...and we r humans...da most greedy,eva so tempted,blinded by our lust(ya, evn "candy lust") breed alive on dis planet,no??!!
    7)COME ON!!! he became a superstar,not an actor...nd I think it rly proved to be gr8 fr u atlst...did u eva know u were capable of such pure hatred!!!(nd by da way, ur mean to him,nd u seem to njoy it:P)
    8)he exists becuz....well,everyone makes a mistake...he rly sudnt exist;)
    10)Same reason once more... everyone makes a mistake...U just made one by askin dis que...:)

  19. was that a storm... was that a thunder... oh wait.. that was the Mango Man!!
    "Paulomi 2.0 from MTV Roadies 6.0"... Lolz....
    N I don't believe in an act as blasphemous as answering these questions!!!

  20. I happened to read this at the Devil's hour aka 3 a.m. and was about to burst into laughter when I realised there were others asleep in the house. Well, it is evident you faced one of those don't-you-stare-you-filthy-little-psychopath looks. It is just that you do not happen to mention it here considering prestige issue...hehehe, just kidding.

    Let me tell you. Girls, of all the existing species, have tendency to be trying all the irrelavant, out of MIND (ooops...thats the tragedy) and comatosed stunts. Just ignore if you think you can't get anything out of it but don't miss an opportunity because that's what they want. ofcourse, not all. Few have vowed to compete with us, and I actually admire such types.

  21. Dear VKG,
    Each creature is attracted to their own brand of mysteries. Good luck with yours.
    Your writing as always is a source of great amusement and pleasure and thanks for that.
    Sorry for not commenting more, but the truth is that your posts do leave me with a dearth of words.

  22. @ devil: arre gussa nahi hotey waqt time nahi tha...jaldi se mail check kiya tujhe answer karna matlab sotey sher ko jagaana...lemme try:

    1. fine na. den live under the illusion/reality. Why give cold look as mentioned by nikhil in a few comments above?
    3. i aint talking abt shit rukh only. generalised statements de.
    4. So rather than spoiling the lungs and liver, its better to spoil character???

    "Nice attempt" at the unanswered stuff. And I do all the talking. Keh diya toh keh diya.

  23. @ Being alive: Maths look more interesting!!!! That's ingenious and hilarious!! :D

    personalising stuff?? wid the tag that's stuck on a million passengers' luggage??

    dats it...the candy lust...and cadbury's exploiting us!! (I just bought a 34.2g Cadbury Eclairs for 10 bucks!!)

    Thanks for commenting! (:

    Shit rukh is pure evil. Period.

  24. @ Aayush: Blasphemous?? Whats dat??

    Thanks man!! (:

  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

  26. I shall not be commenting on the MCPish parts of the post, I will suffice by saying that you rock even when what you write makes no sense !!
    A W E S O M Eee!!

  27. @ Nikhil: 3am! Another disclaimer (add it to the list): Kindly read at humane hours!!

    Thanks for the appreciation and support!

    Aur naari ko kaun smajh paaya hai, I bet doosri naari bhi nahi!

  28. Dear Ishita,
    I received your comment and was overwhelmed to find your e-legs on our space after ages. Thanks for all the nice words. Hope you'll visit again soon!
    So long!

  29. @ Prajakta: Well, sense toh har koi likh leta hai...asli baat toh nonsense mein hi hai!!

  30. You know man,i give up man. There is a limit to which you can be tolerated.after that you are plainly shoul be should be kept in the area 51.(but do blogfrom there) loveeeeeed it.

  31. @ Abhishek: Lol, taloja bhai! I will. khuja-lee remember??

  32. Totally second Aayush Bhai's comment. No chance of i trying to answer.

    You rock, bruv. I read this the first thing after waking up now. Hillarious.

  33. and one thing more... U chose marketing as your trade.... You were damn ryt!!!
    Look how good u have done the same wid your blog!!

  34. Ahem ahem! I'll choose to take it as a compliment! :D

  35. This is an insult to all the people from the superior sex community. We will not take it hands down. I am going to report it to the police satation and the mahila mukti mancha.

    In the meantime, laugh riot :D :D :D

    Same here, I'll prefer to laugh like silly rathe than answering them.

  36. @ Sapna: Darr gaya!! Please mujhe maaf kar do. Please mahila mukti ke paas mat jaao, main ab se kabhi shit rukh ke baare mein kuchh nahi bolunga. :D

  37. what a stirring write man!!!...i m dazed....
    “Dance, India, Dance”...lolzzz
    well I am happy dat I come in 'exceptions list'( I do)-but yes not to compete with the superior sex (as said ny nikhil) but to prove my own worth...

  38. When you get answers to any of those questions you "Awwwww" at, do let me know.......I was just a whisker short of being called the "Columbus of 21st century" as I was busy searching answers for these very questions........never found I am at the Himalayans trying to erase all these painful memories, half succeed and you bring em you get me the answers!!

  39. Hey thanks!

    Prove your own worth...that's interesting! Elaboration?

  40. 1. Thank God you are back.
    2. Still thinking the answers to all the questions asked.
    3. For the last part:- just because VKG rocks, as simple as that. :-)

  41. Dude..nice one....few points worth mentioning....
    a) i really liked points 1 and me i'm still stumped why this happens...:)
    b) u've managed to come up with some really good alternate names for the opposite gender, in this gals.....:p
    c) i second ur dislike for SRK.....:)

    thats quite a lot in a single blog....i need a breather....till then u come up with the next post....:p

    P.S.- Readers plz notice the 'Gupta' at the end of Ravan's name. point to be noted.....:p

  42. well written...usual VKG flavour :D
    but kabhi to SRK ko akela chhod do...

  43. @ jay: thanks (:

    a)everyone is



  44. @ BI: Thanks mate! Aur Shit rukh ko kahan pakad rakha hai humne :P

  45. Don't know too much about the mysteries of the "fairer sex" to answer the first few q's . My "education" is continuing....

    To ans the some of the latter ones -
    Doctor - Coz if they prescribe the wrong medicine they can always blame the pharma shops for not having read the prescriptions properly
    SRK - To take advantage of the prevalent stupidity in some of the Indian audience and also the Indian audience's inclination to view crap under the name of entertainment
    KKR - Serves as a great horror film/tear jerker flick for the male/female KKR supporter !
    Last one - U give the perfect reads for an idle jobless mind...

  46. Laughing out loud, Varun. That will be it.

  47. @ Pathikrit: Best of luck with the education with the lesson-teaching sex!

    Nice answers especially the KKR one more so when it comes from a KKR supporter like you!!

    Thanks...joblessness rocks!

  48. @ Shyam Sir: That will be it, Sir. Purpose solved.

  49. Subhan Allah Sahi maari hai bhhai mahotarmaaon ki. koi to nahi hai diwana hasino ko yaha

  50. @ Addy: Sorry man, I over looked your comment the last time. Hence the delay in publishing!

    And sorry for bringing them back man again. I'll try my best. Hired ACP Pradyuman for the same.

  51. @ shahenshah: lol! Deewane toh hum bhi hain par haseenaaon ke nahi haseena ke jo bilkul bhi aisi nahi!! (:

  52. I visit this damned link to get entertained and I get it I wouldnt day you disappoint me anytime but today was special. this is a post i will email to one and all. girls suck, no pun.

  53. That's kind of you, my lord. Thanks!

  54. Chauvinist or funny. I chose the latter. Hail.

  55. And that's a wise choice, madamoiselle.

  56. hey ur blogs continue to amuse me no end flixy winky secy..!!nice to see u r strictly sticking to nonsense..keepidupp!!

  57. 幸福是人人都要,又怎麼可能都歸你所有?要知道這世界幸福本來就不多........................................

  58. @ Sandeep: I wasnt born with sense. So expect, similar nonsense throughout!

  59. @ 火芬 : hulley hullarey hulley, hulley hulley, oye!

  60. Can't Comment on any SRK bashing.I LOVE HIM

  61. even I want to know who made Mr SRK a Supper star. :P
    All in all good way to bring out your frustration about various things :)

  62. @ Sweta: Frustration or plain curiosity, mysteries needed to ne put out of the bag! (:

    And mice to see girls against shitrukh!

  63. Too many comments for me to read them all.

    But I can tell you why doctors' handwriting sucks.

    Basically, it doesn't. The only reason we don't understand it is because we are unfamiliar with the words they write. If you were to get anyone else to write those same things, it's very likely that you still wouldn't be able to understand it too well. Now, of course, this is not true in all cases. In some cases, some doctors' handwriting really sucks. But in general, if you take an average person and make him write medicines' names, you are likely to find the handwriting illegible.

  64. My dear friend, I beg to differ! :P

    Almost all the doctors I have visited and I havent visited a lot, scribble anything they feel like. Its like practising autographing!

  65. i know some docs wid beautiful handwriting..
    someone once told me that i shud be a doc coz i have such a bd handwriting

  66. You should have! Sab kuch sahi hota!

  67. Some of the points actually make me cringe, while the rest made me laugh like hell.....Godly...


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